argument essay review

[tuli]

Dear All, 

kindly review my essay and let me know is my way of writing and understanding capability is correct as per with the topic.

I will be highly obliged if you kindly review my essay.

Thanks in advance.

Argument essay

“A recent study of eighteen rhesus monkeys provides clues as to the effects of birth order on an individual’s levels of stimulation. The study showed that in stimulating situations(such as an encounter with an unfamiliar monkey), firstborn infant monkeys produce up to twice as much of the hormone cortisol, which primes the body for increased activity levels, as do their younger siblings. Firstborn humans also produce relatively high levels of cortisol in stimulating situations(such as the return of a parent after an absence). The study also found that during pregnancy, first-time mother monkeys had higher levels of cortisol than did those who had several offspring.”

 

Write a response in which you discuss one or more alternative explanations that could rival the proposed explanation and explain how your explanations can plausibly account for the facts presented in the argument.

 

As the study is being performed on 18 rhesus monkeys , its not a good amount compared to the population of monkeys all over ,  without giving any proves , facts and figures in this particular extract, only through visual assumptions and measuring the hormone cortisol level , perfect study cannot come to a conclusion that birth order is effected by individual’s levels of stimulation.

Firstly, in the study it is mentioned ’first- born infant monkeys produce up to twice as much of the hormone cortisol, which primes the body for increased activity levels, as do their younger siblings’. I completely differ with the fact provided how can one infer that hormone cortisol is the only reason for increased activity levels, maybe the activity levels is directly proportional to the healthy infant monkeys , the food they are intaking which making them active , moreover comparison with younger siblings maybe because of the age gap , which makes the elder one more stronger and active then the younger ones.

Secondly it is also mentioned that firstborn humans also show similar trend by sighting one example as the child becomes highly stimulated when parents return after an absence. But I am again to differ in this case it may be the natural instinct which makes human infants happy and active when they see their parents, how is high levels of cortisol responsible for this, its  one of the factor which is observed to be produced in stimulating situations but we can’t conclude again that hormones are the only sole reason for stimulating activity in firstborn.

Lastly it is mentioned that first time mother monkeys had higher levels of cortisol that did those who had several offsprings but again a vague assumption and no proof related to this statement, during pregnancy other hormones too play their role not just higher levels of cortisol.

Hence with all the flaws , and ambiguous observations there is no perfect conclusion to this particular study. More detailed study is required in order to find a trend in birth order.