When you have no idea what a recommender will say

[Chuck]

An advisor from my MA has the potential of writing a great recc for my applications to PhD programs (Fall 2011- I have some time).

I worked very closely with her for 2 years on a project I am quite proud of. Towards the end of the project, she had a series of life challenges and a bit of a mental breakdown that caused her to leave the project and me to finish the project on my own. The break was relatively clean, but messy enough that our contact, once frequent and relaxed, has been awkward and minimal since then. Though I really resented the ways that she abused me and let me down in the last few months on my MA project, I was never anything but cordial to her. There were a few moments, however, where I got the impression that her resentment of me had turned personal.

The problem is, I have no idea what this woman might say on a letter of recommendation. I have heard horror stories about folks agreeing to writing a letter but then only making it lukewarm, and I know that a half-assed letter is much much worse than no letter at all. The thing is, I really don't trust this woman. I have heard her go on endlessly and mercilessly in her mocking and back-biting of others (both deserved and undeserved), and I am pretty certain that when I am out of earshot, I also do not escape this petty two-facedness.

On the other hand, I did excellent work for her during my MA, and I know that before her breakdown she was extremely happy with my work. Objectively speaking, she should be able to write a strong letter. I don't want to take the risk of not having a positive letter from her in my file- but I also think my asking her could backfire enormously. What do I do? How do I approach her? Is asking her if she "would be able to write a favorable recommendation" in regards to my performance on my MA Project enough? Part of me thinks that she would certainly agree to write me a letter (out of politeness) and then turn around and say something half-assed/lukewarm... and I would never know! I have other recommenders (who I know will write very favorably) from this MA program, but none who are as thoroughly familiar with my work. Nevertheless, I'd much rather have my former advisors perspective.

The only thing I can think to do is to try to re-kindle a dialogue with my former advisor, about our professional work and my interest in graduate school, and scope out how warm she is with me... any suggestions about what to do in this situation?

[OH YEAH]

It would hurt her reputation as well if she did so... but if she is acting irrationally, she might not care. I'm not sure. I'm sorry you're in that situation. Is there a trusted member of your dept you could talk to about this?

[grad_wannabe]

I've generally heard that inquiring "would be able to write a favorable recommendation" (as you wrote) is the best way to go. I would try to scope her out. Tell her about your application plans, see how she reacts. Does she voluntarily offer her services? Or do you have to press for a letter? If she volunteers, she would probably write you a good letter.

But, if she does not offer anything even after you tell her of your application plans, probably better to find someone else.

[lily_]

That's a tough situation. I know that all of my LORs were great, however, one of them (the most prestigious individual no less) made me a bit...paranoid.

Fortunately, I have worked my ASS off for this women for over 2 years. When I asked her to write me a recommendation, she said, "you are a natural born leader, a natural born archaeologist (my field), exceptionally intelligent and would be an asset to any graduate program. Of course I would write a letter for you."

However, for some reason the situation still makes me paranoid seeing as the e-mail exchange explaining and reminding about the LOR when the time came was a bit...cold.

But again, she's a big name in the field and in my situation I felt like a letter was better than no letter. Likely, she was busy with her own thing, other students, etc.

I would try to talk to this woman you're thinking about writing the LOR for a discussion about your career goals and whatnot. Another one of my letter writers asked me specifically what I wanted them to focus on in their letter. Maybe you could approach her and say something like, "I'm really proud of this aspect of my MA/application...what do you think? Is it worth mentioning?" and go from there.

Unfortunately academia means a future dealing with difficult people. best of luck!

[hahahut]

I agree with the others. I think you can just arrange a meeting with her and tell her your application plan. Don't ask for her to write the LOR at first. But just get her advices in terms of which schools she recommends, whom she thinks you should go for adviser, etc. If she reacts positively, you will feel more confident what she would do in a LOR. You still have a year. I think there must be some way to calm her down and being objective.