Almost desperate, Need Help, Transfer Master's Student Personal Statement

[darrydallen]

Hi everyone
I am a grad student in Chem. Engineering. I am in a very difficult situation now. I got dismissed from my grad program. I am trying to apply to other Chem. Eng.  grad schools and I need to submit "special" Personal Statement that should:
•    give details on what is unique and distinctive about the applicant;
•    provide information on overcoming personal obstacles or hardships (financial, physical, or familial);
•    identify and address gaps or discrepancies in the application;
•    articulate how a graduate degree will help to achieve future personal, professional, and career goals.
I would be grateful if you could help me to fix my typo , grammar , or correct my mistakes
Thanks

If you hang around the barbershop long enough sooner or later you are going to get a haircut. That old saying which is also part of famous Denzel Washington commencement speech reminds me of what my parent used to say. My mother raised me to believe I could achieve the difficult things if I set my mind to it. She makes me believe in the power of passion, patience, and perseverance but she also reminded me that a belief will be tested with a lot of trials. 
Further, into the middle of my college year, I encountered a situation that I never thought before. My mother told me that she suffered cancer. I was shocked. My family and I spent hours upon hours in the hospital during the chemotherapy treatments, as well as during the surgery in which most of her cancers were removed. While my mother was in recovery I did the domestic tasks and taking care of our house. Although I used to live in a dorm, I had to commute to ride and pick up my little sister from school. Ever since, I have spent more and more time with my mother, learning how she feels, what she wants, and most importantly, how much she really loves me.

It was not easy to concentrate on my academic with that situation. I could not maintain my academic performance and because of that, I lost my scholarship which covers more than half of my tuition. I told my family about my situation. My father told me to focus on my study and he convinced me that had enough money for my education. But several months later  I found out that he had to take a loan to pay my tuition. At that moment I felt I was a failure. Self-blame and regret haunted me most of the time until  I realized that I needed to get out of unnecessary guilt and move on. To get higher GPA I decided to retake some classes. Consequently, I took more classes than most of my peers at the same time. It taught me how to manage my time wisely.I asked students who got perfect grade tips and prepared exams weeks before the day.
After graduation, I started to draw my life. I remember I have won some journalism competition when I was in college so I became a freelance writer. I wrote articles about clean energy, science, and several other topics. One of my best articles is about geothermal in Indonesia to reduce fossil fuel consumption. Everything seemed to feel just fine until another unexpected thing happened. I suffered appendicitis and doctor told me that I needed appendix surgery soon. It took several months of recovery before I was capable doing normal activity. After I fully recovered  I started working as a melting engineer for XXX Company. It was so challenging to manage people who were mostly much older than me. I learn how to select raw materials and chemicals and how to mix them properly. Controlling operation condition such as temperature, pressure, air intake to get a high-quality product was also my responsibility. 

The transition of developing country to developed country is where I want to involve in. For decades my country has been exporting so much of its natural resources just as raw material. Advanced materials will play a significant role in order to create a product with added value and creating jobs in my country. By becoming a researcher in advanced materials especially energy storage, I want to contribute to our national electric car and home battery project. In order to do that I need to learn how to conduct academic research that links with industrial and market orientation. 
A graduate degree offers the opportunity to explore and better understand my field continue so I decided to continue my education in the United States with ZZZ scholarship. During my academic training as a Chemical Engineering Master’s student at the University of NNN I was facing difficulties I did not expect. The health issue made me difficult to study effectively, along with shock that I faced as a person who came from the very different area and culture. To overcome those obstacles I have been working with my doctor, nutritionist, and counselor. I was struggling to cope with those hardships and I realized I did not fit in at NNN. From that experiences, I learn about graduate student problems and how to prevent it and now I have more preparation to adapt and perform better than before.