Analyze an Issue for GRE

[rchris0510]

Can someone please help me review this practice essay I wrote for the "analyze an issue" for GRE?  It would be greatly appreciated!

 

An increase in technology greatly increases the opportunity for critical thinking skills due to the inundation of information available. 

As the onslaught of technology has hit our generation with a wave of new information readily available at our fingertips, the ability to quickly decipher truth versus lies and map a course through the chaos of information has been crucial to advancement in our careers, family, and decision making.  A present day user of an Apple product would most likely hold in his hands an Iphone.  The product, ingeniously created by Steve Jobs has singlehandedly revolutionized the way we daily live our lives.  A user of the Iphone most likely has an app that allows them to use a time management app that helps them to rigidly adhere to a strict schedule to allow them to balance the numerous amount of responsibility this person may have.

This apple iPhone user may also find themselves using this tool as a way of researching more information on a topic they may not be fully familiarized with and give themselves the opportunity to sift through a enormous amount of information in a matter of minutes that may have required previous generations to absorb time by visiting their nearest library and filtering through endless books on a shelf to discover what they were searching for.  This has allowed an IPhone user to become well versed in topics in their spare time and created a greater awareness of moment by moment current events occurring in the world around them without needing to wait for the Sunday newspaper to arrive on their doorstep. 

With the inundation of information, a current IPhone user also has so many options, choices, differing points of view, and products available to them that requires a person to apply critical thinking skills and filter the unnecessary information or beliefs that may challenge their approach to life.  From the moment we wake up to the moment we put our heads on the pillow, we have seen marketing ads that have bombarded our phones, tv, highways, websites that all depict ads that scream at us what we need and what we want.  With all of these options available to us, it is easy to see in some cases how technology could cause us to be an indecisive generation with the inability to passively receive information and not be able to engage in our world in a way that makes a difference.

Technology allows us to apply critical thinking skills to help us filter through the endless amounts of information, opportunities, and choices available to us.  The products we use in technology has increased our skills in time management and allowed us to accomplish more, gain better understanding and knowledge on a topic and learn to critically analyze the choices available to us.

 

[I_Charge_by_the_foot]

I've taken the gre 3 times, all 5s.  grammar/wording/typos: decision-making, the advancement," A consumer of Apple's products ...", "we daily live our lives", "A user of the iphone"-> someone who owns an iPhone, "IPhone". other: iPhone was just by steve jobs alone, kind of cringey reading that. Kind of got tired reading this, very surface level approach to the statement. Probably a strong 3, maybe a 3.5 if the reader doesn't catch all the mistakes. You make enough logical areas to slow my reading which ultimately leads to the decision of a 3–3.5. TBH if you wrote a little less but with concise and logical points you'd fair better for a 4. Your dissection the prompt is expected, I assumed you'd make the point of filtering media, but one would hope you try to have a nice spin on it, yours was surface level. You can do a fair bit of improving, your conclusion is quick and to the point. Good. Your transitions are actually about 4.5 imo, but the logical hiccups really are the major flaw. 

 

I should add, most of your mistakes are in the beginning! that's the worse place to make them.

Edited December 10, 2017 by I_Charge_by_the_foot