louishotpants

Thank you for your kind words! I have been talking to my career center and have a longer meeting with them planned for later this month. They were very understanding of my situation and said it was something they see "all the time". I'm in foreign language program so there really aren't exams, just papers that are not unlike the research I would be doing at the later stages. I think part of my problems is that grad school was kind of a plan b for me. I turned in a couple applications at the encouragement of my undergrad professors, who said I would be a perfect candidate for graduate studies in this field. My thought was that it might be "something to do" if I couldn't find a job. I see what a mistake that was now. I think I lost sight of what I wanted in my life after seeing how good the offer looked on paper - prestigious school, no debt, cool location. I'm considering finishing out the semester at least to some degree, not sure yet. The truth is not having to be in school and getting back on the job market is much more exciting to me right now than any of the coursework I've completed so far so I think that I am making the right decision

Believe it or not, I've already done this by getting involved with the campus radio station, something I did in undergrad and beyond. The problem is that this interests me far more than the actual grad work and helps me to avoid it. Thanks for you advice. I'll try to get in touch with the career center and see what they say.

Hi everyone, First off, I was active here during my application process on a different account but people from my program might still be active here and I am not ready to tell them yet so I made a new account. I hope you all and the mods understand. I started a highly-ranked PhD program in the humanities in a great city with full funding this year and frankly I can't stand it. Increasingly I feel like I decided to go to grad school for all the wrong reasons. It's not that I'm going through impostor syndrome (though my gross under-preparedness for this level of academic work is part of my reason for wanting to stop) as much as I've realized that the scholarly life is not for me. 5+ years of work only to chase low-paying short-term jobs as I see my older colleagues doing? I don't think I'm dedicated to my subject of study enough for that to be an appealing lifestyle. I thought that I could make this program work in a way that I would be happy in it. I could stick it through the MA stage and then reassess how I felt about it. After all, why pass up a chance for an MA if it's paid for? That argument kept me going for a while, but now that the end of the semester is near, with all the looming papers and deadlines, I feel like I'm drowning in work that I suddenly care very little about. I started out the semester determined to perform well. I was getting all the assigned reading done (didn't always happen in undergrad) and contribute intelligently to class discussion. That determination only lasted so long. Bargaining with myself to stick it out for the MA only lasted so long. I'm not cut out for this kind of work. Discussing literature and thought is interesting to me, but I don't have the passion about it that is clearly required to keep going. I can approach it from any angle I'd like, in the end it's just not there. Now I'm faced with how to transition out of this smoothly. Do I drop everything and leave? Do I tough it out until the end of the year just to be sure? What happens to fellowship money for people who withdraw? What do I tell the professors back home who wrote me glowing recommendations and gave me endless praise expecting me to report back? I feel completely lost. Thanks for taking the time to read my little rant. Hope you all are happy in your programs and doing well.