Absent_Living

I started a 4-semester, 2-year program in September 2010. I had a very good paying job (for my field) for the previous two years, but I was interested to specialize within it, so I applied to a few programs... and I was accepted to some of the top programs in my field. I also was very bored with this job, and wanted some change. I finally took the offer with more financial aid (50% scholarship; two others offered 0 and another one just some meager quantity). This is a very top university but slightly lesser known in its field. However, being an international student and not coming from money, even if I was a bit unconvinced about this program in particular, I decided to take this offer, save a lot of money and avoid debt and loans (savings from good paying job paid the rest). I hated the program from day 1. I knew it beforehand. I wanted to "drop-out" in October, and I told my advisors. Some people (friends, students) convinced me to at least "try" one semester. I didn't like my advisors, and I didn't have much relation with my colleagues... I didn't fit in. I got into a serious depression and after a bit of back and forth I got a Leave of Absence for 1 year after the first semester, so I could always leave a door open... as most people advised me. Exactly two years ago now, I came back to my country, promising myself I would never come back to finish that degree. I was lucky enough to get quickly a nice job in my previous field (through college connections). I lived in a place where I had some good old friends, a nice job... it was great... or not? People in my job were certainly nicer than my grad program colleagues. Coming back to a job restored some confidence that I had lost in grad school. But things were never the same again. Inside of me, there was always this thing about coming back and finish it. Also, I still wanted to specialize and move jobs, even if somehow I felt this degree would not give me the flexibility I had expected. And there was the economic question. I had already paid one semester, so I "only" had three left with a 50% scholarship. Starting a new master would take longer (4 semesters) and pay 4 with much less scholarship (or none). Also, I am still in my 20-somethings, so I thought that in the long term, it would pay off. So eventually I decided to come back in January 2012. Things those two semesters have definitely been better than the 1st. I sometimes felt a bit out of place, but overall I coped with the situation better. But that was to the extent of participating as less as possible in my degree (I also moved classes to 1-year later, so I didn't have much interaction with my old colleagues, who I also felt they usually have a very distant position from me, probably because I basically left without saying anything... I just wanted to break with all this). As for the courses... I haven't excelled yet not failed either... in most of them I have been on the average of my class. Still, my GPA is lower than my college's. And this is the end of my 3rd semester... with only 1 left. And I feel those 2 years have been such a nightmare after all. I am relatively confident that I can get a job... after college I got 2 great jobs... and even in my leave of absence, still quite depressed and in those economic times, I got a good job. I know how to get it. But it makes me so sad... I feel those 2 years have been a waste... I will not take any meaningful friends or connections as I did in college and even in my previous jobs, because it was obvious I felt I never belonged to this grad school. I even feel so uncomfortable when someone asks me what I am studying and where... I know that once I get a job, this will matter much less... but unhappiness during those 2 years will probably affect me in the long term. Has anyone experienced anything like this?