Grad Coach

A 370 word intro is too long to spend on the question: "Why this field" assuming your total word count will be about 1,000-1,200 words. I agree with an earlier post which suggests there are too many superfluous details that don't belong in an SOP. My rule is that if its in your resume don't use up valuable real estate repeating it in the SOP (i.e. "After H.S....I had to pursue..."). Rather than asking for feedback on your intro I suggest a template that you might consider for the entire SOP. It is difficult to make suggestions when only shown an intro. While some of the other responders were kind enough to offer their skilled editing advice (likely more skilled than mine), this intro is not at the point where editing is required. Its content still needs to be developed. Suggested template: 1. Opening story: This should be a set up, create some tension or drama, get the reader to want to read more (i.e. "Deforestation and land use policy in Sudan has vexed farmers, government, and industrialists for centuries. When I spoke with a eucolyptus farmer in central Sudan as part of my research project about...") 2. Back story: How you arrived at this point (short version of your current intro). 3. Your current research interests: The greater clarity here the better able the dept chair or admissions committee will be to assess your readiness for a doctoral program. 4. Your interest in a particular school, its course offerings, research of faculty you are interested in following, partnerships, etc: This will show you have some investment in time and thought into their program beyond just what is on their website. 5. Your career focus (academic path, commercial/public sector consulting, combination of these, etc)be: The more clear your career vision, the easier it will be for the program chair to take the risk of admitting you. Clarity of your future will be a key differentiator for your application. 6. Closing: tie back into the opening example of Sudanese land use, and the lives of farmers, or the job creation you are capable of impacting in pursuing this field. Hope this helps. Best of luck. Some basic rules: -Do not make a claim without a supporting example (i.e. "I would formulate linear programming problems without...") -Avoid superlatives (i.e. "vast array," "fascinated," "substantial amount of work.") -