Just got an email from Penn State replying to my inquiry about when I might be hearing back:
"While our admissions process isn't over, you should know that it is unlikely that we will be extending an offer of admission to you. This isn't because of any weakness in your application, but because we admit very few students directly into our PhD program. Most of our students enter at the MA level and then apply to our PhD program in their second year."
So that's that. Now, Purdue or Iowa St? Decisions decisions.