CleverCapybara

I was in this boat the first time I applied 2 years ago.  I applied for Social Psych PhD programs which take 1-2 students per professor (sometimes not even that many) so it's very competitive.  I applied to 12 schools the first time I applied and spent a lot of time researching and choosing what I thought would be a good cross-section of schools.  I got 2 phone interviews and 1 in person interview and ended up with 12 rejections. 
 
So facing the disappointment I felt since I thought I would get in (everyone always thinks you won't have a problem getting in...don't listen to everyone.  They know nothing.), I realized I had no plan B.  Luckily, I got 2 degrees in college, one in a different area, so I decided to split my job search between both fields.  In psych, I joined all of the listservs and applied to lab manager positions.  I also applied to retail or fashion jobs.  I ended up getting 2 job offers on the same day about 2 months after graduation, one as a lab manager at MIT and one as a retail manager at a department store.  Obviously, I took the job at MIT and ended up being way happier than I would have if I had convinced myself to go to the only school that interviewed me (they didn't accept me so it was a nonissue, but it wasn't a good fit for me at all anyway).  I applied again this year, to 13 schools, and was much more successful.  I got 4 phone interviews, 3 in person interviews and 2 offers with great funding at good Top-40 programs where I have a good fit.  Now my problem is trying to decide where to go.
 
Here is my advice if you are in the "didn't get in anywhere" boat:
 
1) You are not alone!  I had great experience coming out of undergrad.  Honestly, I couldn't have gotten any more than I did at my undergrad institution.  All of my letter-writers were confident, my essay was good, my grades were good, my scores were good, etc.  The fact is, there are so few spots and so many applicants that not everyone who is qualified gets in.  You are probably all qualified.  It may be the case that some of you put in more effort with your applications than others but, at the end of the day, if you didn't get in it really doesn't mean that much about you.  All it means is that some kid with a masters degree applied with your exact same credentials.  So, seriously, stop taking these rejections personally.  Obviously that's more easily said than done but you are still the smart, capable individual you were when you applied.  It's not you, it's them.  (Also, in terms of age, a lot of programs don't like to accept right out of undergrad so 25 is definitey NOT old to start a program, but it can depend on your field.  It would be rare to get an advanced business degree with no work experience, for instance.  So if you just graduated or are still in school, it is especially common to get rejected at that point.)
 
2) Write your rejectors back, especially if you had an interview.  Find out why you were rejected (or other people were chosen), specifically.  POIs are usually happy to tell you (spoiler alert: either you don't have enough experience or other students were a better match) how you could have improved your application.  Take it seriously if you want to get in next cycle and improve that application.  Also, be nice and respond with a thank you for the consideration either way.  You don't want to burn any bridges.  You may decide to apply again, or you may decide to apply for a job there someday.  Assume nothing about your future relationship with these people other than the fact that your end should always represent you as a capable professional. 
 
3) Don't stop learning about the application process since you've done it before.  A lot of people assume that they didn't get in because someone else had better grades or scores, but it can also be because you made one of a host of fatal errors that applicants in your field make.  For instance, in psych programs, and in many mentorship model programs, you are going to want to write specific professors to see if they are taking students this year AT ALL.  If you skip this step, you may have applied to 13 schools, 7 of which you never had a chance of getting into because the person that you applied to wasn't taking students.  If you are applying for these kinds of programs, so many people do this that if you don't your application will get less consideration.  Professors seek out these specific applications when people get in touch, you bring your name to their attention.  Also, people often make a lot of mistakes in their statements.  One of these mistakes can be talking to much about your experience and not focusing enough on your fit with the program/school.  Make sure to keep getting the advice from people you trust so you can avoid these mistakes next time.
 
4) Build your resume in the meantime.  When I got rejected the first round, I was told I had 2 choices to add to my experience: apply to MA programs with late deadlines or get a lab manager or research assistant job in my field.  I chose the second route and ended up with a great job that elevated my CV a ton and provided me with a ton of wonderful experience that I used to my advantage in this cycle.  A lot of people work in unrelated fields between application seasons but if your application wasn't strong enough the first time, that isn't going to change if your job has nothing to do with your subject.  Also, a lot of places want a LOR from your boss if you have a job after school so keep in mind that you will need time to cultivate a relationship with your boss for a good rec.  I waited 2 years between applications because I wanted a whole year at my job for my writer to comment on.  Keep this is mind when you are planning for the future.
 
Overall, I really don't think I would have been happy at the last place I was waiting to hear from for Fall 2011.  The mentor would have been a bad choice, both in personality and research fit.  The program is not well respected and I would have taken it just because it was the only school that hadn't rejected me (at that point, I stress again that I was rejected from this school as well).  Instead of putting a sub-par institution on my CV, I got to add a job at MIT and will soon add a great PhD program.  (This is a good part to point out that when it comes to grad school, there are no safety schools.  You could blow every applicant out of the water in terms of education, grades and scores but if other people have a better fit, that other stuff means a lot less.)  Being rejected from all of the schools I applied to actually worked out better for me.  I did reapply to some of the same schools and my 2 acceptances are both from programs I had applied to and been rejected from previously.  I had a phone interview with one and was never taken off the waitlist and, at the other, I literally never heard anything.  So keep in mind that this next year can turn the whole thing around for you.  Schools that didn't look at your app this year may be calling you as soon as apps are in a couple years from now.  The second time around worked for me.  In the time between, I got great work experience at an impressive institution with an incredible scholar I am lucky to call my boss. 
 
Remember, you are not alone!  Rejections happen more than acceptances.  Take the next year or two to work on that CV and you will be successful. 

To break to trend of the acceptance/rejection topics in here, how about some soul searching while waiting it out?
 
I posed think question to myself and I thought it would be good for anyone to seriously think about it: Why? Why put yourself through writing all these essays, taking GREs, spending hundreds of dollars, stalking grad-cafe, go on tough interviews, etc... All to spend 5-6 years of your life to putting even more pressure on yourself until you finally get through it? Most people do fine without a PhD... why do you need to do it?
 
Don't answer like you're telling me, or like you're writing a SOP... what's the reason you used to convince yourself that this is right? Imagine you're trying to convince yourself from 9th grade that this is what you need to do. Have you ever put these feelings/ambitions into words? Think about it even if you're a lurker, or you don't want to share for everyone to see. You might learn something about yourself. 
 
I'll tell you why I'm doing it. Because statistically, I can't do it. Statistically, I'm supposed to want to grow up to play in the NBA and sell 1M records as a rapper, not to win a Nobel Prize in physics. I should just settle for working at Walmart and have a few kids I won't take care of, and probably end up in jail before I turn 25, not rock the boat and dare to dream different. I only know of one person from my HS actually got to the NFL, and all he does is sit on the bench, the rest... some are doing okay, but 90% completely lack ambition; they're so complacent with... "mediocracy" for lack of a better word. I'm not trying to say I'm better than them for going to grad school, but I'm disappointed that all these people that are still young are wasting their potential. You can't become the next Einstein unless you try to become Einstein. I'm doing it to prove I can do it. Why live your whole life and not aim high? You only get one chance... Even if your first path was misconstrued, you ain't dead yet.
 
That's something to consider even if you don't get into the grad school you like or even any at all... you ain't dead yet, so don't act like you can't get higher.

Awwww, guys, you're amazing!
So, here's my contribution to heart-warming thread.
 
 
Obviously, someone is hoping for the best.

 
 
But getting more and more depressed...

 
Then... a letter!!!!

 
Congrats!

 
Finally you're grad student!