LPman76

Now, in case I went with the current situation, staying with X, should I by any means make it known to them that I got an offer from Y? I know it is late for "negotiating" my funding from them using the higher funding from Y, but could there be any other reasons why I should let X know about Y's offer? For example, just for peace of mind to double make sure I am still in ... Let's say I just turn down this new offer from Y and in a week X call saying we are having cut on our graduate funding bla bla bla... U know what I mean... By the way, I woke up this morning still split between both, but my rational mind says I have to look at a school as a full package for me and partner during these 5 years. He might just be depressed all along for shortage of money and leaving his well-paid city/work. We also will be delaying some personal plans like owning a home which in city X we can do right away and the like.

Thank you... These are good tips , mentioning working there in future and the thing about "fancy" specializing. Though here I think it is a bit more as I need to register for it after accepting the major in separate process, seems kind of professional. I could be wrong about it still. So I had hours of discussion and now, oddly enough, going to bed with thoughts leaning to X!!!!! It is not easy suffering financially in new far city at not so young age while we could be having so comfortable a life at X. I aim in all cases at non academic career so not sure if rank of my hschool would be deal breaker for future employer. Just feels nice to know I am n,ot the fool who preferred average university over, say, a Harvard like one. let's how this feels in the morning....

Adlnyc, thank you so much. This is really supporting to find such understanding minds here of my dilemma. Funding is quite comparable but am waiting exact details from Y then I'll post them here. Partner is not making things easy as he is flexible! Question, how bad it is to decline X offer now as PhD student? Ethically I kind of know... But any other consequences. It's so bad to think of even...

MadScience, thank you first for your kind understanding and second sound reasoning and reply. I edited my post and said I do want advice actually. What I meant not necessarily a direct answer. So, I have visited X but my area of research does not really necessitate a physical structure or material (a field under Social Science). I didn't and cannot visit Y due to far distance. Professors are comparable. Besides ranking, one area where Y is higher than X specifically is the availability of a subcategory to my proposed research where my PhD will be in a good general filed with a noted specialization in an accurate area I am interested in. I can probably do same in X but on personal level not designated subcategory. This is a thought to consider. You know, part of me might be yearning to this world status institution that I see most directors of other schools are from (at least in this filed as it originated there), but it's also about resources. Y would certainly have a multitude of research venues in the field. X on other hand, has good maybe humble resources, but as a friend told me once, I would be a "big fish ion a small pound rather than small fish in big pound". Silly? Maybe but rings true sometimes. City X might have opportunities for me if I excel while city Y I might be lost among others who are mostly excellent bunch of students looking for same opportunities. Again, venting! bla bla Thanks again for sharing your experience.

Hello, I know there are other threads here on the topic, but everyone thinks their situation is different. In my case, I feel horrible because I don't have strong reason like others to ask this. Please, I hate myself enough to consider declining an offer after accepting it, so please if you don't have words of support and genuine advice, don't shower me with harsh judgement/criticism. Remember, I didn't decline yet and I might not. Here is the story: This year, I accepted an offer of PhD from a relatively good school (X) in the program of choice. Last year this same school accepted me and I turned their offer down due to personal reasons (I turned all offers down too). This year applied again and added an application to a highly ranked school (Y), highly ranked, that has my program even in the concentration of my SOP. Note, school X is in a city we might probably want to come back top and work in the future, possibly in the school (but I am aiming at non-academic). School Y is in a very vibrant city and ranked among best 25 world-wide, but living wise it will put us a bit behind as work for partner would be less paid during my PhD. School X called me February and wanted reply by mid March. School Y replies are mid April (replied today). I accepted school X offer--at the time--feeling really satisfied that "even if" I got the other one's acceptance, I like this city's comfort offerings to me and my family more. Yet, when I received school Y's acceptance offer today, I am in a dark place I don't want to be in. I know this is not a specific question/answer. I'm looking for your advice, venting and chatting about this situation especially from those who've been there. Thank you for the time you took to even read this venting!