wavebaby

Thanks everyone for the advice! Just putting my dilemma out there was cathartic enough to allow clear thinking, and was able to consider the compromises that might allow me to make everyone happy. I talked to my best friend, who understands completely that I will only be able to make some of the events, but not all- allows me to only miss two days instead of 4 (other wonderful, understanding bridesmaids are taking over the bachelorette party for me). I am looking into cheap flights to make it out for a few days to visit my grandmother, but am not sure if I can find anything that I will be able to afford- I know that my parents will not be able to lend me the money to do it, so I might just have to charge it and pay it off over time... or pick up an extra half teaching assistantship to cover it. I am going to wait until next month to make a final decision about the flight depending on how stable my grandmother's health is- money will be a bit better after the fall semester starts back up. Update: My advisor was in a much better mood today, and mentioned that if I decided to miss fewer days over the wedding week that should would be willing to mentor the undergrads I am training while I am out of town, and it would be feasible to miss a couple of days (but not the full week) during the time that my family was planning to visit my grandmother. Hurrah.

I am a PhD student in molecular biology, and thusly spend my summers doing research and training undergrads. I am already leaving for almost a whole week in July to be in my best friend's wedding (but will only be 2 hours away so will be coming back to check cell culture, etc... just not getting any research done). Here is my dilemma: My beloved grandmother has been in an out of the hospital for the past few months and isn't doing well. My family is planning to drive halfway across the country to visit her for a week, for perhaps the last time that any of us will see her alive. The week they are going is two weeks after my best friend's wedding. I told my family I wasn't sure if I could go, because I was already missing a week for the wedding. They seemed to understand, but i am filled with guilt. I mentioned the dilemma to my PI, who said that if it were her, she would not be doing any of it, but that she certainly wasn't going to kick me out of the lab for missing two separate weeks in July. She suggested video chat with my family and grandmother while they were visiting. What would you do? Stay in the lab while my family visits my grandmother, and set up a video chat? Or do I put family first on all accounts and visit my grandmother with my family? Any other suggestions?