Hi everyone,
I recently completed my master's degree in the social sciences and have been admitted to a PhD program! I am excited, but also a bit scared because of the relationship I experienced with the advisor in my MA program.
I am female, and the advisor for my MA program is male. He rarely, if ever, had anything encouraging to say and often put me down. For example, whenever I made presentations in lab meetings, he would often be caught texting whereas when other students presented he would be extremely attentive. I also knew, through other students, that he often had lunch / dinner meetings with other students but not with me. I also knew that I was not going to be able to collect enough data to defend my thesis in time, so I begged him to change my thesis defense date. He refused, but when I was not able to send my final thesis to my committee in time, he said "If this were a job, you would have been fired," and scolded me to no end about my incompetency and lack of professionalism (though I begged to change the date far ahead of time). This professor did not offer me ample opportunities to TA, and in fact, dissuaded me from pursuing a paid TA'ship in order to make room for one of his favored students. This professor often tried to steer me away from applying to PhD programs, which I did anyway and was admitted to 4. He strongly recommended that I decline the offer from the school where his former PhD mentor was at, which I decided to do. He even claimed that this PhD program was unsure of my skills, and my POI at that university called him and my advisor 'went to bat for me.'
I also had problems with one of his favored students. This student asked me very inappropriate questions of a sexual nature (e.g., my bra size, how to sexually please his girlfriend, and even discussed a possible sexual encounter he had fantasies about where I would be an immigrant - yes I am Latina - and he would be an immigration officer, how I would look so much prettier if I lost a few pounds, and often judged other women's bodies in front of me). I often told his favored student that I did not welcome his advances and didn't like to be spoken to in that way, but he would come around my advisor's lab and bother me. He even dared me to tell my advisor about his advances, because he knew my advisor would not believe me because he didn't like me.
After graduation, I told my mentor everything I was upset about (his behavior, and his favored students' behavior) and all communication has ceased. I drove for over 2 hours to get his signature on my thesis, and he did not even ask me how my day was or whether I liked my new campus; he signed my papers and that was it. I feel really hurt because I spent a lot of time trying to get my mentor to like me or even establish a friendly relationship, but it never worked out.
I am now scared that I won't be able to develop a good relationship with my POI in the PhD program, or that my old mentor will tank my success in the future. What can I do to ensure that I have a better relationship with my current POI? Is there anything I can do to remedy the situation with old mentor, or should I just leave it be? The relationship with my old mentor has caused me a lot of anxiety and has made me feel extremely depressed; I even question whether I'm cut out for this career if my mentor despises me so much.
Thank you in advance for any insight you can provide!
