anonymoose

Hello everyone, Thank you for your very helpful responses and suggestions. I am definitely working to curb how much I talk about him, and honestly I don't think it's so bad how much I do. I'm just really cognizant of it and I try to make sure I don't convey anything that might give away my feelings. Aside from that I don't think how I talk about him is totally out of line with how I talk about other people. I actually have pretty positive/close relationships with a lot of the professors in the department (his wife has actually given me lots of advice and seems to look out for me a lot). So in a sense, that's actually kind of comforting because from the outside how I interact with him is not at all unlike how I interact with others. It's just obvious from the outside that we work well together but he has been recognized for his mentorship and tends to have very positive relationships with his grad students in general. I think maybe considering a couple of therapy sessions might be a good step, so I can work through some of the issues that have been causing me to attach to this figure in my life. As for my relationship, I don't think that's actually the problem, but spending some time and reconnecting definitely couldn't hurt. I've been spending such long days at work that I think he really misses me. I guess the most helpful thing is hearing that I'm not a total freak though. I'm sure I'm not the first or the last grad student to harbor an attraction for their advisor, but it's certainly not something that people make a habit of talking about.

I have been having an issue with my advisor that is very embarrassing and I can't really talk to anyone about. I have been a member of this forum for a long time, but am posting under an account I made some time ago to discuss this (I tried to ask about it in the chat when it still existed but was called a troll). The long and short of it is, in contrast to some of the experiences of others posting on this forum, my advisor is a totally lovely man. The problem is that because he has been so generally wonderful, I have been infatuated with him for over a year (when this account was made was when this issue first became obvious to me). A number of things make this very embarrassing and problematic. First off, we are both married. Second, there is a very large age gap between us (not that this really makes much of a difference, but this would feel a little more justifiable if he was super hot and in his 30s or 40s). I have tried dissecting why I have these feelings, and I think psychologically I understand the appeal. I had a very tumultuous childhood and I think I look to older men as a possible source of stability (this isn't the first much older person I've been seriously attracted to). Also, since I admire him so much as a professional and person, in my brain the idea of him actually reciprocating affection and seeing me as a worthy partner is incredibly appealing. I know that I obviously cannot and will not act on these feelings, but I find myself very distracted thinking about him and what he thinks about me. I waste a lot of time daydreaming and the worst part is I start to feel like I find excuses to talk about him, and I worry that people will begin to realize that my admiration for my advisor goes beyond normal and people will start talking. Of course, the idea of anything happening between us is preposterous but I know that rumors can ruin careers and I know and like his wife (who is also a professor in the department). Any advice on how to squash these feelings, or experiences from others who have been in the same position? I am very ashamed of it and I know I need to put an end to it somehow. Working with someone else is not an option, as this would be way more weird than my current behavior. (Others have made unsolicited comments about how we seem to have a really positive mentor/grad student relationship and people would find me leaving his lab very shocking/suspicious). I have tried focusing on the things I don't think about him but my brain always seems to find a way to minimize it. Help?