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casey825

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Everything posted by casey825

  1. A few weeks ago I arrived home to find a small thin envelope from one of my schools sitting on my bed. My parents had not wanted to upset me when I called earlier that day to ask if any mail had arrived for me. My heart sank and my stomach churned. I was sure this was a (devastatingly early) rejection letter, and I was also ticked at my parents for not telling me the truth when I asked about mail. Then I opened the letter, and it was just confirming that the school had processed my application! Has anyone else had this happen? (I am still waiting for a decision from this school.)
  2. hahahaha This jumped out garishly at me too. Thank you for pointing this out!
  3. I am curious about these questions: 1) How have Midwest Big 10 schools' budgets been affected, compared to other public schools'? 2) How do arts/humanities departments compare to science/engineering, in terms of both % losses and total $$$ losses?
  4. Yes you are right. I should stop obsessing and find things to take my mind away from it until I actually get responses.
  5. So that I can properly brace myself each time I nervously check my e-mail inbox, I am curious if there are patterns in what time of day people receive acceptance e-mails compared to rejection e-mails. Any thoughts?
  6. For rejections, a very good song would be That Thing You Do. You...doing that thing you do...breaking my heart into a million pieces...You don't need to be cruel...I tried and tried to forget [your school] but it's just so hard to do... However, I am hoping that it does not come to this.
  7. I have been checking the decisions posted in previous years for the schools I applied to, to try to determine when I might receive my responses. For several of my schools, in 2010 there have not been nearly as many responses posted (either acceptances or rejections) as there were by this date (Feb 2) in 2009 or 2008. Does anyone else notice this? Or is it useless to compare the decision timelines from year to year, since the "sample size" (number of responses for any single school and department) might be too small to be statistically significant?
  8. Don't Stop Me Now (Queen) Supergirl (Saving Jane) Defying Gravity (Wicked)
  9. This is like when guys swear up and down that they look at "inner beauty". I'd rather you say "I really appreciate models and video dancers with low self-esteem." That is so much more fair.
  10. Is there anything wrong with visiting a department before getting accepted (without an invitation as the OP described)? It seems that departments might think it is presumptuous of an applicant (making it look as though the applicant assumes he/she would be accepted before actually getting a letter). However, if I am visiting relatives who happen to live very close to one of the schools I applied to, would it be bad to drop by the campus or maybe set up informational interviews?
  11. I started my PhD program a couple months ago and I hate it. The research itself seems good. There are many research projects that could be a great fit for my interests, but the quality of the school seems overall much lower than my undergrad. I was hesitant for the entire summer leading up to this. I just kept telling myself "Your reasons for being hesitant are trivial and snobby. They have research in the topics you like." but every time I got an e-mail or Facebook post or someone asking "So are you excited about going to [school & place]?" I would change the subject as quickly as possible. I did not want to remind MYSELF that I was going here. In fact, I felt physically nauseous any time I received an e-mail related to starting this program. and this instinctual aversion to the entire school has only gotten worse since I arrived. I think I could have gotten into a better school. Anytime anywhere, I can make myself cry on cue, just by thinking in my head "You will be here for the next 4-5 years." Overall the culture of this school is so depressing that I voluntarily avoid hanging out with the other students. I do not feel lonely as in being "left out," because it is my choice not to hang out much with the group. I am good at finding entertaining things to do by myself. So the highlights of my week are watching movies, working out, or reading books by myself. We have not yet started research. but I know that this aversion to the whole school and environment is affecting my work. It is entirely doable; in fact, it seems much simpler than my undergrad. (To be blunt, my undergrad was stronger.) I just drag myself to class and do the minimum, because I want to avoid everything related to this school. As irrational as my feelings are, I know that this will show up in the quality of my work. I already have a Master's from a different school, so I would not be able to stay here for a Master's and then leave. I could go either way for a career in industry or academia, so I would not be letting go of a single lifelong dream of being a professor. I would like to do a PhD, but right now the thought of staying here 4-5 years sounds much worse than going through life without a PhD. So my questions: Ideally, I would like to leave and apply to other schools. If I decide to leave, would it be best to wait until the end of the semester, or withdraw now (before we are assigned to research groups)? (Would the timing of this depend on whether my grades here were bad, mediocre, or stellar?) How could I avoid alienating my recommenders, or getting blacklisted throughout the whole academic circle? What kind of reason could I give without sounding superficial or like a quitter? How would this affect my chances at applying to other grad schools? Some notes on why I think these are not "normal" feelings that I will "grow out of": *I am NOT homesick or wishing for everything to be just like home. I relish chances to travel and explore new places. I am usually the first in a group to look up new places to go, ask strangers for tips, etc. but this place is so depressing that I am always thinking to myself "This should be the time of your life, and it is a chance to tackle new challenges. So WHY are you wasting it in a place like THIS?" *I have given hanging out with the other students a fair shot. but EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. I go out with them, I find myself thinking "What a colossal waste of time. Casey, you should have just stayed home." I am not anti-social; I have rarely gotten this feeling in college, summer programs, or other peer groups. They are just not my type of people and I could see myself going through this entire program without making a single honest-to-goodness friend. *I do not have cold feet about doing a PhD, or making the time commitment, and it is something I have wanted to do since high school. I love the uncertainty of research, even the seemingly impossible, frustrating parts of it. I just don't want to do it here.
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