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Scantronphobia

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Posts posted by Scantronphobia

  1. Yep--I agree that going for a second bachelors is not worth your time. I returned after about the same amount of time--a couple of the professors I wanted to work with advised me to get some grad level coursework and then apply. So I did  and got into the programs I had in mind. Plus I had fresh recommenders, which counts for a lot.

  2. On 11/24/2015, 8:04:56, avflinsch said:

    I think the issue with #3 is when the shift subtly goes from 'voluntary, non-assessed' to 'expected'

    Look at it this way -
    Many of us older students are coming back to school for a possible career change or advancement.
    We may have significant responsibilities outside of school - working full time, families, volunteer work, home duties, mortgages etc...

    In my case - working full time, school 2/3 time, main support for a family of 5 which includes me, a disabled spouse, a special needs child, and 2 grown children (one of whom is in grad school full time, the other still trying to find his niche in life)

    WE DON'T HAVE ANY TIME FOR ADDITIONAL UNEXPECTED STUFF! :wacko:

    sorry for shouting there --

     

    Yesss! I totally agree with this, and this is the source of my frustration--the reason I posted #3. I don't, however, have quite the number of responsibilities that you do, though, avflinsch. 

     

    On 11/28/2015, 10:38:42, justanotherlostgrrl said:

    It's not shouting at all - it's a completely valid critique.  I have classmates in another class who are dealing with something that started out as 'something you guys can do in your spare time' to 'let's have the class do this class you'll all be teaching for an extra 3 hours every week'.  It can very quickly shift subtly, and we should fight back against it. 

    It's one thing to have an optional study group - it's another thing to drag everyone in a class into activities that should be optional.   I resent having to rearrange my schedule for people who are doing things like putting on student events with people who don't make school work their first priority.  So their priorities are the student events and then classes - 'oh, sorry, can't make it for our assignment meeting because we have a deadline for the conference...'   Family commitments or work is one thing - student run events that affect my group's marks are another.  Far too many selfish people putting their extra curricular activities ahead of school work  and we all have to work harder because of it.  I also resent the implication for everyone - students and faculty - that you just need to pull a few all-nighters in a row, and you're expected to be up until 4 am.  Sorry, but sleep is valuable to me, and people who assume 'well just pull an all nighter' annoy the hell out of me.  I want to work hard, but just saying 'don't sleep' is a pathetic answer and an immature coping strategy.

    Ditto here, justanotherlostgrrl!

    And the part about the drinking: I'm not talking about one or two at lunch or social drinking. I'm talking about self-medicating before class, maybe to get through said class. Not going to say anything to anyone about their choices, of course, but just wondering if this practice cuts across campuses and disciplines.

  3. Has anyone noticed the younger students in your program doing any of the following?
    1. Comparing their work/grades with that of their peers constantly

    2. Doing so with the intention of finding out how they stand in relation to everyone else

    3. Making more work for other graduate students by organizing study groups, peer review, or other voluntary, non-assessed duties.

    4. Drinking before class

    If so, please share your experiences and thoughts on these behaviors. Are they normal? So abnormal that I should be concerned? A millennial thing?

  4. I get feeling like you have weaker relationships than if you were in the same age range. I used to be really bothered by the fact that I didn't get including the in invites for stuff, but I realized I, often as not, would rather just sleep/catch up on work/not do it for those weeknight gatherings. After a year and a summer, I've identified a handful of folks who I enjoy spending time with and try to do coffee/lunch with one of them once a week, just to feel connected. I quit drinking at the start of the spring semester anyway, so I wouldn't be much fun as the wet blanket anyway.

    That said, the new cohorts seem to have gravitated to me as some sort of mentor, which is a nice experience. I don't know if it's age, or just that I'm chatty, but they tend to come to me for help with the administrative part of being a grad student (funding forms, conference submissions, forming a committee), which feels good. It probably helps that I am clearly comfortable with my place in the program/field at the moment.

     

    All that said, PhD applications are due in 46 days and I've got no idea if I want to re-up into my mid 40s or go find a nice CC teaching job.

    Yeah--I hear you on the relationships. I do not talk about my age because I do not want to widen that divide, but it is clear that I am much older than your average phd student. I do not get the mentoring requests, though either. To be honest I am not sure where I belong, socially. Which is a problem when you are talking about word of mouth opportunities, recommendations, and other professional opportunities that can boost your career. One thing that has been drummed into me with my program is that we are encouraged--no, expected--to participate in social-professional gatherings. The message is that even those things that can seem just social turn out to be professional in some way because you are interacting with your professional colleagues. Anyway, I'd be interested to hear others' takes on this. 

  5. Chai_latte & Scantronphobia - so glad to hear you're all thriving in your program. I'm considering going back to get my PhD after working for a while at 35 and it's nice to hear it's not that huge of a deal. It's a huge consideration for me, even though I know it's just one thing admissions committees look at.

    Hi--good luck in your application process! Yeah--I wonder how much my age played a part in the admissions process. I don't know what admissions teams think about the stigmas, disadvantages, or advantages of an older applicant. And I also wonder how they feel now that I'm sitting in their classes, knowing that I may be close to--and maybe even a little older--than their ages. Anyway, I think the most important thing is to show that you've got an active intellectual curiosity and are open to new ideas and ways of doing things. What do others think??

  6. Oh, the digestion! I remember being able to have gluten and milk once upon a time :)

    Glad your experience is going well.  I would say my experience is mixed - I do know some people in my program who haven't worked, and I bring a lot of different work experiences that I do talk about in class (tied to the program material) and I don't know if people just can't relate or not.   There are moments of 'let's all go drinking' that I can't relate to at all, or going to event after event.  I come home exhausted and sleep - I'm feeling like my 40s are making this harder than I would realize.  I'm trying, but I feel like an outsider, and don't think it ever will be easy for me in the program because I feel very different than everyone.  I bring a certain kind of more philosophical point of view, but sense that's looked down on.  I'm trying to remain open minded and positive where I can be, but it's tricky.  People will bring up blanket statements in class - 'Facebook is evil' - and my counter examples - 'ah, but they had a role in the Arab Spring, so while parts of their practices are unethical, there is some value in...' and I get blank stares, and end up not continuing.  Any nuance tends to be lost.

    I do wish I could find the older students in other programs in my school, but I have no idea where I'd go to find them.  I try to go to events, but the workload is pretty hard to balance as well as look for some kind of work.

    Hmm--this is interesting--so these students are not interested in parsing nuance? In a grad program? I'm not sure that's related to age. I feel like that is a key activity in grad school--although there are days when I've had enough of thinking and just want to watch a stupid movie. All to say, don't take it personally. Even if it is an age difference thing, I like to think that the extra years I've spent on Earth have at least brought a sense of authority and understanding to my perspective that younger people don't yet have. Embrace it--they'll look to you as a leader and an inspiration, even if you aren't a regular in the bars. ;)

  7. Looks like everyone has been busy with no new posts in a while, but I'd like to check back in and see how it's all going for everyone on this thread. I'm getting more comfortable with being an older member of the graduate student body, although I still am not comfortable telling my age (and I'm not sure that would even be wise since it might only serve as a distraction for people who try to "figure" people out).  Here's what the problem might be: I am starting to feel younger. I'm enjoying myself, and I don't have any children, so I can pretty much keep up the same lifestyle--'cept for the digestion. Is this a problem? I've come to the conclusion that maybe I'm just immature, and that's why it took me so long to get here, and now that I'm here, I don't feel all that much older than most people, even though the difference is generally 12+ years....

  8. Okay--so I am in a really hard program. And I'm happy to be working with my first choice advisor out of all the people at all the schools I applied to. And this person is an impressive researcher--very accomplished and respected in the field.

     

    But I am having some doubts. This advisor will say, "I will look at your work and get back to you."  And then after not hearing back for a week, I have to schedule a meeting to get that feedback, which is usually helpful, pretty broad, and never heavy handed. As you all know, however, time is important when you're playing Beat the Clock during every semester of grad school, trying to crank out brilliance (hah!) as you labor beneath a pile of research and reading you have to complete by week's end.

     

    On the other hand, the advisor seems to like the work I am doing. I get emails sometimes out of the blue with information that might be helpful to me, and that is encouraging, like I'm not just a blip on the screen.

     

    And now, after a semester of, "don't worry, you're doing fine," I have had to ask for an extension, which was granted if I need it. This makes me feel like a failure, like I can't do the work in the time allotted.

     

    While I have never had an advisor that I would describe as amazing, I have had a truly bad advisor in the past: someone who forgot about our meetings, who hardly ever got back to me despite polite, carefully timed emails to jog the advisor's memory. I worked as hard to get this advisor to help me as I did doing the work itself. I said that I would never again put myself through that. 

     

    So to the point of this post:

     

    I am psychically tired. I am overwhelmed. I do not have the energy to force someone to help me. The problem is, I feel like I am not sure whether this person is a bad advisor or not. So I ask all of you to tell me about your experiences. What are the hallmarks of a bad advisor? Of a good one? Are there any warning signs I should be looking out for?

  9. The school can get into huge trouble with the federal government if they do not abide by FERPA. I'd bring this up to your HR department if members of your program continually breach ethical and legal codes of conduct.

    Yes--I agree. I don't think that they are concerned, and maybe they don't have to be, legally speaking. Having read FERPA rules, they are pretty loose and only apply under certain conditions of funding. Even if they  do not apply to my program, I don't think that students' personal data should be casually shared, even by word of mouth (which is, btw, excluded from some FERPA rules). This program is stressful enough without the unvarnished--whatever it is--that is going on...

  10. So I am finding out that my program has some issues relating to FERPA, but I am not sure if they are enforceable. Like a complete lack of discretion with issues surrounding personal student data/financial info/etc. Has anyone come across this? Sort of poisons the atmosphere to know everything about everyone. Super competitive ethos+hierarchical funding+lack of discretion=?

  11. When I was a 30something, I returned to college for a second BA.

     

    Now I'm a 40something, and returning to get a PhD.

     

    I met with Professors in my department, and we talked about being an older student.  They told stories of many successful 40somethings, and just one bad story.

    '

    Hi--I'm interested to know what the profs said about getting a doctorate at that age?

  12. While the suggestions are good, they do not apply to me.  I do not like to hang out with "groups" of people.  I prefer to just relate to one person or two at the maximum, at a time.  I am not a fitness guru, and while I enjoy crafts, I simply do not have the energy to be creative.  I have a small art studio that has gathered dust in the last year.  When I am in school, I spend a lot of time away from home, so a lot of my free time goes to my husband, or taking care of my disabled mother.

    I know you are probably thinking "well, if she has no time, how can she commit to a friendship".  It doesn't sound rational.  I just simply miss having that close friend.  All I have is my husband and my mother... and well, I just wish I had a friend on the outside.  

    And for those who don't believe anything like that can exist... I have seen it for myself.  My mother who is in her 60's, is still very close to her childhood best friend.  My ex-husband, is still close to his grade-school best friends.  I have seen close relationships that have lasted 30+ years so I know they exist.  When I moved to California, the friendships I thought were close (and were 15+ years into it), fizzled because I became "out of sight, out of mind", and they moved on to the next close friend who lived near them.

     

    Anyway, I must sound like I am whining, and I apologize for that.  

    I just came to this thread from the "Older Students" thread, having posted something much more in keeping with this one! I don't want to reiterate or belabor any points that I made over in the other thread, and I certainly don't want to seem like misery that loves company, but it does help me to feel less like such an odd duck that others are going through the same thing. It's hard to admit that one feels socially inept or awkward or--gasp--to consider the possibility that one might be unlikeable (this refers only to me, not to anyone on this list--I'd say that the Grad Cafe folks are a likable bunch). And yet it is also hard to see how I can work to change the situation. Everyone seemed to make friends so quickly; my cohort are hardly the socially-awkward academics one hears about. And I did feel that I worked hard not to be left out, and we've had a few really fun times. But they seem to be tapering off, so it must be something that I've done, or said, or that I was born long, long ago?

     

    NavyMom, I empathize with your wanting to make friends. I've changed life paths to go back to school. I have disassociated myself from the life I had before; it no longer worked for me--never did, really--and with that have shed the acquaintances I gathered along the way, even burned some bridges that led nowhere I wanted to go. And now, I can't think of anything I had rather be doing, for any amount of money. I am, as they say, living the dream (funny as that may sound to some). With that dream, I'd like some real friends, lifelong friends with whom I can share this new journey.

     

    I can only hope that all of us can find what we are searching for. To me, success is best enjoyed in the company of others.

  13.  I'm so glad to have this thread, too, and glad to see so many new posts! I've begun a program this year and suspect that I am the oldest of my cohort (by about a generation). Our department encourages really close ties, but I have found it difficult so far because of the age difference--I don't get invited to a lot of private gatherings where unofficial dept. business gets discussed. Not to rule out the possibility that I am creepy, but I suspect the age difference is largely responsible. I remember feeling a bit awkward when I was their age and there was a couple around my age now in the program I was in then. It never occurred to me to invite them to hang out. Now I'm on the receiving end. Karma, I know, but any ideas about addressing this issue, or just dealing with it are welcome....

  14. There's no magic cure for this, but I find it helps to think of the people I admire who did take different paths and found success on their own terms. There are always outliers, and they often have the most interesting stories. You have the perspective you have now because you've fought your own unique battles. Embrace it as much as you can, and find a way to make it work for you.

    These are wise words.

  15. So are we done with this thread now? I'd reeeeally like to comiserate now that it's the end of the semester. Any stories from the past few months about trying to forget how old you are and not being successful at it because everyone in your classes is 10+ years younger? Does anyone talk about their age to their classmates? Or do you try to avoid the subject?

  16. It's one thing when I get sick during the semester--research does not stop because I'm feeling gross. It's a completely different thing when my kid gets sick. I spent the morning making homemade chicken soup, forcing fluids and medicine into her, delivering snacks to her school (because of course today was our turn to supply snacks for the class) and begging my old-timey grandmother NOT to swaddle a feverish child. In between that chaos, I'm looking up sources for three different projects and trying to read a book for a seminar tonight.

     

    None of this is even worth venting over, it's just normal life for a mom in grad school. What pisses me off is when my adult family members who are more like extremely overgrown children complain about having a tickle in their throat and hey, ashiepoo, can you PLEASE pick up our kids for us before you rush to school after caring for your puking child all day, kthanks?  <_<

    That sounds like a lot! But I understand about family members who are more like children than adults. I have moved away for grad school. A perk is that they can't call on me to pick up so and so. Granted, I am a family person, so most of the time I didn't mind. But it became a Thing. And it's always at the last minute that the call comes in, too. So I had to drop what I was doing and go get the kid so that he/she wouldn't be stuck out in the rain, on a dark street corner, alone. Nagging conscience and all....

  17. Hi friends, I am so overwhelmed to see the posts here! I am a R & D professional in India, working for the last 6 years. I am dying to join the graduate school now at the age of 31. I am just married and taking the decision to quit my present job (that offers a fat salary) is not-at-all easy at this age, especially from India, where this is really really difficult to manage a job with good pay scale. I am applying this fall, let's see what happens. All the best for your future endeavours-I am gaining so much courage now. It feels like I am not alone :) .

    31 isn't old at all in my view--that's a great age to do grad school--you're not too old to be worn out by it but not so young that you don't get it in a larger sense--you know why you're there, you know what the alternatives look like, etc. Good luck to you!

  18. Well this is just flat out awesome.

     

    The faculty member who was leader the meeting asked a question and proceeded to stare at me after asking it. Which then made everyone else stare at me. Not sure why I was delegated to answer the question but I was. <_<

    That sounds awesome--I love being designated the answerer when I didn't raise the issue--and have no particular authority to answer it.

    In that vein, I'm so glad for this venting thread today because I have had an anxiety-filled day. Trying to participate a little more in seminar discussions is a goal of mine for the semester. So today I actually did have some points that I wanted to raise. Apparently I didn't communicate them very well; in fact, I apparently communicated exactly the OPPOSITE of what I meant. Think: completely backwards, non-progressive ideas. So that's what the prof and other students heard and they started posing questions at me. I earnestly tried to answer them, unaware of how they had heard me, until it dawned on me what they'd heard.

    So I guess I need to backpedal? Or straighten it out? Or let it alone and let them forget about it/continue to think I'm a backwards, ignorant jerk?

    Maybe this is a teachable moment--my favorite backhanded compliment...

  19. After a year together, the gap doesn't seem as bad because we all have to do the same work, you know?  We all go through the same methodology sequence, so bonding over problem sets happens. :)

     

    But I can't say that I'm really "friends" in the hanging-out sense with anyone in my cohort, the way the younger students are.  I'm in my middle-aged world, where I commute 1/2 hr to campus, and they live closer by. I do feel a little left out, but that's OK.  I think that if I were also TAing, we'd have more points of connection, but I'm self-funded.  (Working part time at my civil service job pays 2x what a GA would.)

     

    Going to happy hour as a group can help, too! ;)

    Yes, I am becoming less worried about the social aspect--I do not have time for it in this program! And I think that it will serve me well to bond, but focus mainly on the work. I don't have the commute, like you do, but I do live a bit farther from campus than most of them, too, so I don't hang out in all of the campus places that I might run into them.

  20. That's what worries me - the divide.  I feel a divide when I read an article mentioning they were in grade school during 9/11 and I was already out of school and working at that point.   What worries me more is that students seem to be so much more self-possessed and know what they want to do at a far younger age.  I see people's portfolios and they're building apps while in high school, and I feel like I haven't achieved a damn thing - whereas at least if I have a master's I'll know I'll have done 'something'.  I know the program I'm applying for is collaborative, so I welcome the chance to be working with people who have good ideas and attititudes, but also worry about talking about my experiences where I just don't seem 'good enough' or just too 'out of the loop'.  I've had a long path since school, and big parts of it were difficult, so it's going to be harder to relate to someone who's 23 and hasn't had certain experiences that you inherit from working in Corporate America. 

    Yes, I am pretty out of the loop, as you say, in terms of social media. I hate fb, twitter, etc., but it's kind of expected that you will be available and active via such venues...

  21. I was a few years older than my TT undergrad advisor, so it was weird for me. I also had to (and still have) sometimes act a little "aw shucks" about the program to combat a perception of cockiness that comes from age/confidence (especially because I'm in two combo grad/undergrad classes this semester with kids young enough to be mine (16-18 year difference).

    Yikes! I can relate--there is an undergrad here and there in my seminars. It makes me feel soooo old! Especially when they say smart things and do well.

    Personally, I am having issues developing relationships in my cohort because of the age difference. In my program, it is very much encouraged to become friends, but how do you deal with the obvious fact that we are at very different stages of life? I am not age-ist, just stating facts. I feel the divide when I talk to them.

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