little ny

Thank you all so much for your advice and words of encouragement. I feel much better already just knowing that I'm not the only one who feels this way. Up to this point, I've been able to put pressure on myself and get the results that I want. Being in a situation where working my hardest doesn't get me A's is pretty scary. I just need to get out of my head so I can relax and enjoy this as much as I can.

Haha yikes that was a tad harsh. What sensible woman wouldn't want a smart, older man knocking on her door? I say as long as the rules permit, go for it! When I was an undergrad, I had a friend who dated a grad student after she finished his class and I knew another girl who even dated a teacher. I would imagine that the easiest person to ask is someone in the counseling center. if it's a no-no, I'm sure they have to deal with issues like that all the time.

I should have mentioned- I have been seeing a therapist who works at the health center. Our sessions help for a few days but I usually find myself right back where I started. I do think sticking it out for a year is good advice, I'm just scared I'll go insane before I can finish next semester.

Hey all, I'm nearing the end of my first semester as a PhD student at a top university. It's a once in a lifetime opportunity to be able to attend, but I feel completely lost. I left all of my friends and family to come here. My good friend from high school goes to school nearby, but with my work load I find it hard to see her. I haven't made any friends here and my program is tiny so I don't even have anyone to study with. It breaks my heart when I go home because I see my friends who have graduated and have jobs really coming into themselves and enjoying life. I'm a really social person but I'm very independent as well so I thought I would be able to handle isolation. Not the case. As far as research goes, I enjoyed it in undergrad because my advisor was awesome and I didn't have to spend every waking minute working on it. I applied because I wasn't sure what I wanted to do so my advisor suggested I try grad school. I decided to skip my masters for financial reasons and now I find myself completely overwhelmed. I do homework and study constantly and I'm barely getting the grades I need to get. I've never struggled at school or quit anything in my life so I feel completely confused. I don't even recognize myself anymore. I used to be able to keep my chin up no matter what and now I find myself completely depressed. I know it's normal to feel homesick and overwhelmed at first, but I'm finding everything to be unbearable to the point that I've lost motivation to do my work and find no enjoyment in research. I'm scared that I rushed into this just because I didn't know any other possible careers that I could look into. Does anyone have any advice? I would really hate to walk away at this point but I don't know if I can handle another semester.