Trufflesalt

I'm terribly sorry if everybody here thinks I am a troll, but I'm just coming here trying to come up with the next step. My husband keeps on wanting to talk about it as he is concerned I'm going to give him a 3 month window to completely uproot everything and move to NYC but I just don't know what to do- I know I want to go to NYU and become a LCSW in NYC, but don't know how to get it done. Some days I think I've got a plan and other times I feel like I'm being too selfish. I am now considering other programs outside of NYC, but my heart tells me that NYC, specifically NYU is this fantastic opportunity to get back on track. It's a very difficult decision- I can understand avoiding NYC for the family but then I think about what I want and how hard I've worked and all the difficulties and failures I've encountered and that, frankly speaking- this is my last chance and I now have the resources to make it happen. I go back and forth all the time... Well I had a friend who said that a classmate in NYC ended up in a bad part of town and, well since I got mugged, it does make my heartbeat go up a few ticks. I didn't mean to offend anybody with that and I know this is an issue I have to deal with. I personally don't think this could affect my clinicals, but my husband voices some concerns, like taking the subway outside of Manhattan since my "street smarts" aren't the best. I want to go into social work and help others with therapy and I do truly enjoy that work. As for things wanting to go my way, well I've struggled in the past trying to do things that I don't necessarily agree with and it just hasn't worked. I feel like that over the years as I've tried to become a therapist, I've always made compromises on what I truly believes helps people and which programs to go to. So now I'm trying to be more selective to find a program that will help me and who's views are more closely aligned with mine. Obviously, I don't expect everything to go my way but I would want a program that can support me and provide the flexibility so I can study on my specific areas of focus. I don't think anybody here would go to a program that isn't a good fit for them, so that's the way I see that. I really do appreciate all the responses here- it always helps to hear from other people and to get another perspective. This is a difficult decision that will take some time for me to sort out. Thank you, I'll have to look into this!

Well my concern is that if I go to the local school, well there's no 100% guarantee that I could just transfer into NYU- worst case scenario, I'm stuck at the local school. I'm not comfortable with that. In addition to that, there is the talk of maybe moving out of NYC once I get my MSW as my husband doesn't like NYC. So moving for a year would really make life difficult for him- he'd have to find 2 jobs in 2 years. But most likely, I'd probably end up working in and living in NYC because I love the city and there are so many great opportunities for my career so we'd likely stay there. I don't mind a professor since I've never had problems with classes. With clients, I have done some clinical work and I am confident it would not bother me anymore than anybody else- never had an issues in the past. My concern is the field placement and supervision- I just want to do psychodynamic therapy. As long as everybody is on board with that, I'm fine. I'd just pick clincals that support this view, which I think in NYC would be pretty easy. My issue is if a supervisor or a clinic wants me to do something that I don't believe in, it's not that I won't do it or am oppositional- it's just that I can't do it. I can try to do CBT but it doesn't work out- I've done it in the past and I doesn't work out. My husband feels that it is a fine line between finding a program that is best for me vs. giving up too easily because there is some CBT or some things I don't want to do. But my past experience is that if I don't find a program that supports me, it ends up being a bad situation for everybody. Now if I end up in a food bank, well I'm not going to be thrilled about it, but I can do the social work stuff because it's not CBT. I know that I can still make a difference in a food bank and help others out. Even if all my field placements are doing non-therapy, I'll be fine. As long as the therapy field-placements are not in CBT-heavy clinics. I do worry a bit about going into the ghettos and slums as I've been mugged once, but again I don't think I have any more or less concerns than anybody else.

Oh no, I'm not manipulating or forcing him to do this! He actually offered to give up everything up for my career and didn't ask for a single cent or anything in return. I'm the one that feels bad about it. He offered this as he knows I'd go crazy working at McDonalds or being a stay at home mom. I plan to pay him back, even though he's not asking for it. He's pretty well off compared to me but I don't think it's a big burden, it's not like he's going bankrupt doing this, but it is going to affect him a little bit in terms of money (but not really as I told him I would pay him back once I become a LCSW). He's just finished his education and is now free and clear to work. So he's in a way better position than me so he can move. Obviously I'd try to give him as much time to find a job in NYC or wherever I end up because I know he is totally supporting our family right now financially and will do anything to help him find a job. Ideally, I wish I could go to the local school- but their curriculum and heavy emphasis on CBT rules it out. If NYU was in our town at local college prices, I'd totally stay in town. We both agree that if I go to a heavily oriented CBT program, it would be a very difficult situation for me and I might not make it. So the way he sees it is that he can spend $25K to try here, with a highly likelihood of failure only for him to pay for another MSW program. So by letting me pick out the best program for me, he saves $25K. His biggest gripe is that he is shouldering the risk in going to grad school (his job, his preference in where to live, the finances). And I agree with that. But I want to become a LCSW. I can try to accomodate his wants and needs, but it will be difficult given what I want in a program. He's said I should at least give the program here a look, and I will, but I don't expect much. I think the LCSW is worth the risk, but having him and our baby around makes it more difficult. Now if my husband wasn't so well off, I'd be more hesitant about doing this. Basically he is trying to give me a situation where I am 22yo, fresh from undergrad without any other obligations so that he can maximize my success- he doesn't want to make all these sacrifices for me to fail. And he says that if he tries to limit my options based on his needs or the baby's needs, that I would regret not doing what I want to do and would blame him or the baby if things don't work out.

I'm not going to mince words- I want to be a therapist. It's been my life long dream. But due to personal situations and a series of bad choices, I've messed up some golden opportunities. PsyD and PhD are out because they take too long. Now if I were 22yo, I'd go for it. But I don't want to be 45yo, fresh out of school with even more debt I have to pay back. The way I see it, a LCSW is the most efficient way to practice therapy at this point in my life. And I know that the programs in NYC are the best for me after reading them online- I think. I know I can't go to the local school because it's too CBT. Well after talking about it with my husband, he still has a lot of reservations and feels uncomfortable about it, but understands that it is my life goal to have a career and be financially independent from him. So after discussing it, he's offered to pay off my undergrad loans, pay off my grad school, offer whatever daycare is necessary to help me out (a live in nanny if necessary), offer to move anywhere once I get my acceptance letter (even to NYC- which he is not thrilled with)- he says he will start saving up now in the event he can't find a job that quick (but I'm sure he'll find something), and offer to move wherever I can get a job. And he says it is his gift to me. But I probably will pay him back since he is helping me out. However the one wrinkle is, and this is what he wants in return- he says that if this doesn't work that I can't go back to another grad school program and that after all that sacrifice that he's going to have to start directing my career- i.e. work or be a stay at home mom (which I can't stand!). He says he is taking on a lot of risk, and I agree. But I don't think it's right of him to tell me what to do if this doesn't work out. I still very much want a career, even if this fails. I still want a career and he can't just tell me what to do and I'm unhappy with that.

I'm not in it for the money and don't expect to be filthy rich from it, but I expect that being a social worker should be enough for me to pay off my debts and support myself. Thanks for the advice Kristopher, I might go take a look at the programs but what's most important to me is what kind of therapy they are focused on. If it's not psychodynamic, I really wonder it it's the right program for me. I wonder if it's OK for me to enter a CBT program when I really want to do psychodynamic therapy. I do want to pay for myself and do things independently, which is why I'm putting the loan in my name and want to pay off the loan. But by having my husband pay off the loans earlier, I pay less in interest. Once I start my career, I can pay him back and be free and clear of any debts to him. This is something I want to do for myself. Now if things fall through, he can pay off the debt until I get back on my feet. I was paying off my undergrad loans but my job dried up and he's paying them off now. But I want to pay him back. Or maybe he should just pay for me without having me to pay him back... would that would be the right thing to do? I don't know. That doesn't sit well with me. I've always done things on my own.

So I really do want to do something in the social work/psychology field and I've been torn about which way to go, but I wonder if getting a LCSW is worth it? My situation is a bit different than others. I'm a married 30yo mother of a newborn son who really hasn't done much since graduating from college. I've worked at some research positions, tried my hand at a PsyD program but didn't like it and left. Right now I don't work. My total college debt was around $40K and my husband has paid off half of it. He is paying the rest of it off and that's pretty much the only debt we have. I want to go to social work school and looking at the schools I feel like are the best fit for me, they range from $80K to $100K (tuition only). My dream school is NYU but my husband feels that with a family, the high cost of living, the tuition, and the fact he has to completely switch jobs for grad school is too high of a price to pay to get my MSW/LCSW. I agree with him, but at the same time, I don't want to be restricted. There are other schools outside of NYC that I like and would love to go to. But again, he would have to completely rearrange his work for me (so if I get my acceptance letter in April, he'd have to find a job quick- another concern of his). In addition, he'd be paying for it- we'd get a loan out under my name but he'd pay it back over time. I'd agree to pay him back once my career stabilizes, along with the undergrad debt. His concern is that my career never takes off and he's left with another $80K worth of debt that I can't pay off. He's already agreed to move and pay for my tution and he agreed to defer buying a home or a new car since, well we might be moving in the next 5yrs. His apprension over this is that we go head first into my plan and worst case scenario, I end up with a job that pays $35-$40K/yr and somehow don't get my LCSW (which is really what I want, I don't know if I'd be happy with a MSW being a social worker in the hospital)- we've wasted that time, the tuition money, and his career for a job I may not like. And that is a concern of mine as well. I have to be passionate about my job and if it's not something I believe in 100%, I don't think I'll be able to handle it. He worries that I'll just leave my job, but I'm willing to try it out if I end up with a social work job I'm not thrilled about. I don't want to waste all that money and throw a wrench into my husband's career for nothing... but at the same time, I want to work and do something meaningful. I think if I were fresh out of college and single, I'd take that risk. But with my family, I have to think about them as well. I'm struggling with how to balance out my career and them. I'm pretty sure I can get my MSW, but what I really want is the LCSW- how difficult is it to get an LCSW? I'm pretty confident I can get my LCSW and make at least $60K a year, in which case, I think it's worth it to take on the risk. Aside from wanting to work and make a career out of this, I want to make my own money and be financially independent as well. My husband is supportive of this, but again, he feels like with his money and his career on the line, he worries about me not getting my LCSW. He thinks it's a riskless bet for me and that he is holding most of the risk. He thinks I should go to the local MSW program, but I want to do clinical social work with a strong focus on psychodynamic therapy and our local program is more CBT oriented, so I have my doubts about it. Any thoughts?