questionforforums

At this point, I am treating it like a job - at least the dissertating part. I reward myself with other types of work or volunteering, so as not to become completely unfulfilled by anything that could count as productive. I worry that even with this attitude I won't finish, as my dissertation is such a mess and my morale is so low. I've spoken to my adviser, who usually does reassure me that I'm doing fine (although little more than that, and I'm well aware that fine hardly cuts it in this field/profession), and just tells me to keep going. I often feel better for a day or two, at which point I become lost again - with the gaping holes in the research that are relatively unfeasible to fill in, with the chapters, everything. I've found my friends to more or less echo my family - they just say something like: "can't you speed it up" or express confusion over how I could be at this point. I think I could take a leave of absence, although I'm doubtful that I'd finish if I did. I also think that my adviser would lose patience, so I'd be unable to get much help from him after that.

Thanks for your thoughts. There are a few things keeping me in the program: first, sunk costs - I'm several years in, post-qualifying exams, post-research, into dissertation writing. I kept my head down during struggles throughout coursework, master's exams, and qualifying exams. So, it's not easy to discard the invesment. Second - it's not easy to transition out of a PhD. I've researched and made contacts in adjacent professional fields into which other graduate students have moved after not finding (or choosing not to pursue) academic jobs. Such a career transition is far from simple or guaranteed. Third - there are moments of joy, its just rarely in anything I can put my stamp on. I enjoy the conversations, the teaching, the reading, the thinking - just not the products I create (or fail to create). Finally - I think there's something inherently difficult about quitting anything, particularly long-term, personal investments. My life, lifestyle, circle of friends, and aspirations are bound up in this program.

Thank you, FuzzyLogician, for your thoughtful and kind response. I think that you're right that I have decided that I won't have an academic career - I don't think that its possible given how consistently I've struggled and how little I've achieved. Periodically, I have sat down and spent a considerable amount of time thinking about leaving my doctoral program, considering alternative careers, researching the requirements, and contacting other grad students who had made similar transitions. I think that it did suppress some of my anxieties, but only for so long. I think that you're right that I need to make a cleaner break. I repeatedly told my advisers how much I was struggling, but they (like my family) usually told me that was normal and part of the process. I think that putting my head down for so long has just made me lose confidence in myself and the idea that there is anything but more struggle at the end of this. In any case, thank you again for your time and thoughts.

Hi, I'm more than a year into the dissertation component of my humanities doctoral program. I was fortunate to be admitted to a prestigious program and have been able to pursue different interests and work with top scholars. However, after several years, I have little to show for my work. My experiences with exams, seminars, and grant-writing has been edifying and I've appreciated the help my advisers have provided. Yet I have not achieved anything tangible, I've become accustomed to working without any positive feedback, and I have no illusions that I will be able to continue in my field after completing the PhD due to my lack of achievement and progress. In the first years of the program, I committed myself to continuing to work despite my unhappiness and poor performance because I had funding and knew that many students struggle. However, most if not all of my peers have since found their footing, have professional accomplishments and comfortable relationships with their advisers, and I feel if anything less confident and more discouraged than when I entered my program. I've additionally found socializing to make me feel worse, as my friends and family often express confusion over why the program is taking so long or why I have nothing to show them. I've made efforts to talk to counselors on campus, get regular exercise, etc. to stave off depressive feelings, but I wonder how much effort should be dedicating to ameliorating what is supposed to be a rewarding, fulfilling experience. At this point, I face dim career prospects, perform quite poorly, and (partly as a result) find little joy in my work. I'm wondering what others think about how I should move forward - whether I should try to wrap up quickly, or just cut my losses, or pursue an alternative that I'm overlooking.