Not bad, but could be shortened a bit and you shouldn't ramble. And then you have more free space to put the suggested, additional information in. BTW: If the additional information I suggest, is already somewhere else in your application, you should not repeat yourself. Bad time management? :-) Please don't ramble. Be concise. BTW: Was this an external thesis, i.e. did you have an employer? If so, mention it here. Please be more specific. What exactly do you want to do as a manager. If you are applying for a programme with "business" and "supply chain mgmt" in the title it is pretty clear that you want to be a manager and do something with supply chains. This is interesting. Please be more specific. In which way is "Becoming accustomed to new environments" an important part of your (Chinese? Italian?) culture? Are Chinese people constantly moving around? Also: Why is that relevant to your study? Were these lectures or projects. If it were projects, what was your task? I know that culture skills are important. Unless you are applying to Harvard Business School, I very much doubt that. Maybe review the course list and name the two or three most interesting courses? They know that they have cool programme, otherwise they wouldn't offer it. You should replace that by a concrete explanation of what in the course list is appealing to you. And why.
