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Katharine@GreenlightGRE

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    New York, NY
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    GRE test prep
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Katharine@GreenlightGRE's Achievements

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  1. No problem! If you have other questions, please let me know.
  2. Hello hummeldon, I hope that the comments help you improve. Please let me know if you have specific questions about the essay. Writing: There are a few awkward sentences that need revision (the first sentence and the beginning of your last body paragraph). Otherwise I didn't see major writing errors. Structure: Your intro and conclusion are so short! Your goal should be a five paragraph essay, which means you'll need to add a little length to this response if you want a top score. Your body paragraphs could be a little more developed, but it's good that you got three full ones. Arguments/Examples: I liked all of the reasons you provided, and I think that you did a good job of breaking down the author's argument. Make sure to tie together your reasoning in the conclusion and take a strong stance on the author's argument, because that will leave an impression on the reader. Suggestions for Improvement: I know it's tough to write so much in a short time limit, but you'll have to expand your intro and conclusion to get a top score. Otherwise, I didn't see any problems with this essay. Try a few more practice responses to fix these errors, and then you should be ready to move on to other areas of the exam. If you need suggestions on structuring your response and finding a way to write everything within the time limit, you can check out our free GRE prep videos here: http://www.greenlighttestprep.com/module/gre-analytical-writing I hope this is helpful! Katharine
  3. I think that you had a good start with this essay, but you'll have to add length to your essay in order to get a top score. Writing: I did not see major writing errors throughout your essay, but I think that you should still save a few minutes at the end of the time limit to check over your work. I think you missed a word in your middle paragraph. Otherwise there were no glaring problems. Structure: Right away I noticed your short conclusion, which needs to be a little longer if you want to reach a high score. I'm glad that you started with three body paragraphs, but you'll have to go into a little more detail if you want to develop your ideas and reach a proper essay length. Arguments: You had several good ideas for ways to improve the author's reasoning, and I liked the suggestions you made for evidence that is needed to back up the author's claims. All you need to do is extend these arguments a little further so your essay is long enough. Suggestions for Improvement: Make sure that you write a full conclusion (at least three sentences) and work on building up each paragraph. If you have the chance, look at our free GRE videos to get pointers on how to improve you essay. You can find the videos here: http://www.greenlighttestprep.com/module/gre-analytical-writing If you have any specific questions, please let me know. Best, Katharine
  4. Hello ashwinvprabhu, In reponse to your previous post, I suggested solidifying your position, finding strong examples, and connecting your conclusion to the prompt. You've clearly strengthened these areas in this response. Writing: In the intro, I think you mean "not ONLY have successful careers, but they also turn out to be good citizens." Right now it sounds like you don't think careers are important. You use "very" often: try to cut back on that. I'm not sure what you mean in the third body paragraph by "certain changes on the needs basics." Do you mean schools should be able to modify the basics as needed? In the conclusion, you have several long sentences in a row. It'll be better if you make them shorter and more clear. Structure: Great job making the conclusion connect to the prompt! It was specific and emphasized your point. I liked the intro and body paragraphs in this response, and it seemed like you made an outline or at least thought about the best way to structure your ideas. Arguments/Examples: You presented several different examples to support your point: I liked how you brought in different backgrounds and making the playing field more fair. Your examples were stronger than in your previous essay, which shows that you put more thought into this response. Suggestions for Improvement: This is much better than the previous essay: Your side of the argument was clear, and you presented several strong examples to support your decision. I think that this essay would achieve a high score, and you should be proud of your progress.
  5. Hello ashwinvprabhu, I hope that these comments help you prepare. Writing: In the intro, I think that you mean "tendancy to depend on technology" or "increased dependence on technology." The sentence is confusing as is. Write out numbers from one to ten (so "two" instead of "2"). Instead of "Many a times," try "Often," or "Many times." You mean "dependency on calculators" in the third body paragraph. If you take a few minutes to review your essay before submitting it, I'm sure you will catch some of these writing mistakes. Structure: Your introduction talked about how important technology has become in the modern world, but I couldn't figure out which side of the argument you were on! You say our ability to think deteriorates, but you also say that now we can address more important issues. It's all right to develop a complex argument that considers both sides, but you need to make that position clear. The body paragraphs were all reasonable. The conclusion began off-topic, and it was only at the end that you restated your argument. Make sure that the conclusion is clear and relates to the argument you're making. Arguments: Your first two body paragraphs showed how technology is incredible and helps people, but nothing in those paragraphs discussed people thinking for themselves. The third body paragraph and conclusion said that technology does not affect humans' ability to think for themselves. I couldn't follow your argument through these paragraphs. I think that you were trying to show how technology reduces trivial tasks and makes it easier for people to focus on more important things, but this only became clear at the end of the response. Suggestions for Improvement: The issues with this essay were the unclear position, confusing examples you provided, and conclusion that didn't relate back to the prompt. Try making an outline before you write your next response: list your position and the key arguments you'll make to support it. That way, it'll be easier to write a straightforward response. Finally, take a look at these official answers to the prompt to see what got a top score: https://www.ets.org/gre/revised_general/prepare/analytical_writing/issue/sample_responses
  6. Hello hussain shaikh, You've made some progress from the previous essay, so I hope you feel like this practice is helping. Writing: Subject/verb agreement is better than in the last essay, but keep being careful. In the intro, "teachers should consider" instead of "teacher." There were some spelling mistakes in this response: "compeling" should be "compelling." Several times you leave out little words: the second body paragraph has "Therefore teacher can positively benefit," and I think you mean "Therefore a teacher can positively benefit." You should use "harder" instead of "more harder." Structure: I liked the intro for this response, because you clearly showed your stance on the issue and provided a strong reason for your views. The conclusion is less generic than in your previous essay, which is good, but it could have had one more sentence. The first two body paragraphs fit your argument and showed me several reasons why your side of the argument is valid. The third body paragraph didn't fit in so well. If you split up your long sentences it would be easier for the reader to follow your reasoning. Arguments/Examples: The first two body paragraphs had good evidence for your side of the argument, but you might want another specific example besides thermodynamics. You didn't really address the second half of the prompt where you're supposed to "describe specific circumstances in which adopting the recommendation would or would not be advantageous and explain how these examples shape your position." You could keep your first two body paragraphs and then have your third paragraph focus on this part of the prompt. Suggestions for Improvement: You've fixed some of the errors I saw in the first essay, but this response didn't fully respond to the prompt. I think it helped you to write a shorter essay, because there weren't as many mistakes. Make sure you take a moment before writing to plan your essay: this way you'll make sure to address everything in the prompt.
  7. Hello hussain shaikh, I hope that you find these comments helpful as you're prepping for the exam. Writing: I noticed several errors. In the intro, you mean either "a limited sample" or "limited samples." Second paragraph: "true representation." "Inorder" should be "in order." Several times you say "doesnot" instead of "does not" or "doesn't." There are other mistakes throughout, and if you're confused about proper spelling/grammar, just let me know and I can provide more assistance. Overall your sentences are longer than necessary; you should think about writing a slightly shorter essay and saving time to revise/proofread before you submit a response. Structure: I liked the intro because you clearly summarized the argument in the essay prompt. Your conclusion could have a few more details added, because it still feels generic. Your body paragraphs followed each other logically and included plenty of information. You used several good transition words to help the reader understand your reasoning. Arguments/Evidence: You didn't address the part of the argument about reduced intake of sulia (see the end of the essay prompt), but otherwise I thought that your arguments were reasonable. Great job on finding flaws with the sample size, ambiguous terms, and connection between kiran intake and cholesterol. Suggestions for Improvement: Your conclusion was weak and there were significant writing errors. The body paragraphs were stronger overall, and you showed several key ways to improve the argument, as well as specific evidence needed to support the argument. I'd give this essay a three: you lost points for the writing mistakes and lackluster conclusion. I'd encourage you to try one or two other practice responses as you prepare for the exam.
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