hijinks

As I write this, I realize how ridiculous this question is. And it is. But it's mine and the fifteenth is next week and I feel really confused about it. I took a gap year to apply for PhD programs in English. My boyfriend goes to Top Ranked State School A for a PhD in English. This year, I also managed to get in to their PhD program in English AND also to their law school with a pretty awesome (roughly half) scholarship. (Yes, It was neither fun nor smart to apply for both). But seriously, this is like a miracle to me, you guys. I got on a couple other wait lists and some masters offers--but this is my only hard offer. So now that I have this oft-yearned for PhD grail, I'm having serious second thoughts about English v Law. A. Obvious- Job market bleakness. The English program, though it has an excellent record in the past, placed like two people last year. That's SO terrifying. Law is also extremely competitive, but jobs at least do exist for the top candidates. B. Professors are always telling me you can't get a PhD in English if you want a job afterwards--well I love English! I do! Really. And I would even be down for the poverty for roughly a decade thing. But after that? I sort of want a job. And I admit, I would really, really, really like for that job to be in academia. So is this in some backwards way a reason not to do the degree? According to some people, it is. C. My boyfriend is worried we would be competitive against each other for advisors/resources/etc and our relationship would implode (we are in the same area- 20th c. Am). He also has worries that it would be basically a countdown on our relationship since getting hired somewhere together is a virtual impossibility these days, which I really can't argue with. But the other thing seems like total lamesauce--Yes, grad school is sort of a cesspool of insecurities, woe, and competition--but it seems like two mature-ish people could work out their insecurity-academia issues. The weight of my decision doesn't have anything to do with him (at least, I hope), but this really bothers me that he thinks this. D. Law offers an area of study that is intellectually stimulating, possibly lucrative, and would allow me to stay with aforementioned currently-infuriating boyfriend as he embarks on his quest for the non-existent tenure track job. E. Yet, Part of me is just really scared because I know the stars will probably never line up in the same way for me to be in a PhD program in English if I take the law route and it's hard to let something that big go. F. I really, really love theory and literature. In the sort of silly pre-grad school way, it is my "passion," and it's also hard to give that up even if grad school is miles away from undergrad in structure and content. A day reading about the connections between Hegel, censorship, and 19th century marginalia is totally my idea of a good time. Do you guys have any advice about, like, I don't know--what mechanism to use to decide such things? I mean, maybe since I could envision doing something else besides grad studenting for six years, I am not fit for the field. However, I tend to think it's almost impossible not to consider alternative paths before and or after the humanities PhD given the job market. I don't even have a specific question but-- Any insights? Apologies for length and grammar. I am distraught. Thanks for perusing this and good luck all in your own journeys. Honestly, it just felt good to write this out.