Cute_T

I made contact with a current PhD student at my top choice university during the application process who was very helpful with answering questions, making suggestions, etc. He told me about his application/interview experience and invited me to contact him before I came in to interview in February so he could give me the lowdown on the interview weekend, different professors, etc. Well, seeing as we are halfway through February and I haven't heard anything, I decided to contact this student again to see what was going on in the department. He informed me that in fact, he was just emailed a list of the students who made the cut and did not see my name on it. At first, I was bummed. I had already envisioned myself being accepted, moving, where I would live, attending classes, and so forth. I practically had the degree in my hand and was busy planning my subsequent job search. I sent a nice email thanking him for the info saying "what will be will be," blah, blah, spiritual zen crap, blah. I thought getting the inside scoop would put me out of my misery and keep me from idling away the hours on this site checking the results page. No such luck. I am here several times every day in addition to the university application website checking for official notification. Still no word. It's like I need to see it in black and white before I can really let go. It's normal to blame the messenger for delivering bad news. Am I just in denial?

If I get in, I'll be starting my PhD at 38. I got my master's degree at 24 straight out of undergrad, so I'll have a unique perspective now that I'm returning after 14 years.