Anonymous36

@Concordia Yes, I get your point. For me, it's a ridiculous situation because I don't even think I'm special because some people find me attractive. Who cares, really. What bothers me is their meanness, and the fact that they think it's ok to pick on me because life must be so easy for me in many ways otherwise, which is not even true...they just want to shame me for the sake of it. I'll think this through by June, hopefully, and decide if it's worth changing program or just suck it up for another year then get the hell out of there. @sjoh197 very good advice indeed. I do my very best, but sometimes the atmosphere weighs on me and it's not easy considering my MA is far from home, in a city where I only know people from my program...What's important is to keep the focus on my learning. I'm a good student but not the best of my class, and that's fine.

Dear Grad fellows, I've been in a MA program for a year now, and seriously considering switching to somewhere else. The situation is that I don't feel good studying there at all. It was not such a good year, and I didn't do my very best because it was hard being in this university. When it comes to bad behaviours, Academia is certainly not stranger to it. I thought that because it's a well-ranked program, people will not engage in low behaviours but I was wrong. Basically, I'm being singled out because of the way I look. Not my ethnicity, but because, and I heard it from students, I get a lot of attention due to my physical appearance which is apparently very pleasant. They told me that I shouldn't be studying but rather do something that show off my face and curves. What kind of nonsense is that? This is one stupid attitude but it is true, and I was very disappointed by this. The head of the program, the secretary and the students (99% are female) ignore me or at best belittle me. I thought it would subside when they get to know me but it did not. I participate in the group work, but when it come to socializing they just leave me out, they don't want me to join. They exclude me completely unless it's uni related. The only one who is nice to me is the program coordinator, a young male PhD stduent. So I'm polite but I don't familiarize too much with him because of the situation. It has made my year very unpleasant. How can I be and do my best in a hostile environment? I have self-confidence and know my worth but still, I'm a human being. There's one year left but I can't see myself going through this again next year. It's normally a one year program but because they were so annoying I went part-time to spent less time with them. So next year, there will be a new group, but I'm afraid it will be the same atmosphere. I think that I deserve to be in a healthy environment and not being treated that way. I wanted to complaint to a third party on campus, but I was afraid that it would make things worse. I think the best thing to do is to find another program where they are nicer, and get a validation for the classes already passed. What would be your advice? Thank you in advance.

Thank you all for the advice! I will make the most out of this year despite this unfortunate situation.

Thanks for your input Gellert. I know that not everyone will like me, I figured that out a long time ago! It just seems odd to me that I would be accepted to a program, despite the fact that I do not have the typical profile of the student they would accept in their cohort, then put aside just because of that apparently. In other words, they took me in, gave me a chance, but I shouldn't expect more from them... I act as normal as I can, but I must admit that if i'm ignored when I try and speak with them, I don't feel like talking with them again, I have a little bit of self-esteem. I asked the girl in my class about hanging out more with the bunch as spontaneously as possible; they were a bunch of them that I barely knew so I thought that it would be a good way to get to know each other since we're supposed to bond as a group. The fb question popped up right after that. It's not fun, I really wanted this to be a great year...well, it still can be actually; it'll just be without them

Hi Fuzzy, This is a MA program that requires equally both a lot of personal work and group work. The group projects that we have to do are determined by the faculty who also decide which students go into which group. In that regard, I will be included in one of the groups for sure. My problem is that in class the students ignore me. If I try and speak to one of them, they will answer in a more or less rude manner, which does not encourage me to go further. Sometimes, I had to insist because they would just ignore that was actually talking to them. I ran into the director of the program at a lecture last week, I said hi and she just looked at me without responding...The coordinator blatently ignored me when I saw her in the hall of the department the other day: I said hello, she looked at me then went on her way. I emailed her the same day because of a concern with my schedule, she hasn't got back to me yet, knowing that in 2 days I won't be able to make any more changes... The other day, in class, I asked one of my fellow students if there was a way to get to know the cohort better and she said that seeing them in class was good enough. They have created a facebook page to keep the whole group up to date on school and non-school related matters. I asked her to give me the adress, she didn't reply and moved on to a different topic, but she asked the girl sitting next to me to give her her fb name so she could add her!! I run into them sometimes outside of uni, and they just turn their head, say a very distant hi or pretend they don't know me. They are not trying to physically harm me but ostracising someone is violent enough in itself. If feels like 'ok, you're in the program but don't expect us to be your friends or such...' and nobody says anything about it...

Hi All, I would like to ask you for your advice regarding an issue that is currently happening at my university. What would be the best approach to dealing with being obviously rejected by my peers in my program ? It wouldn't matter so much if there wasn't so much group work involved, also the coordinator want it to be a tight group but they apparently don't mind that they do not include me...True, I feel like a bit like an alien for many reasons: I'm much older with a background in the arts/music industry which has nothing to do with my current topic. I think that they decided that they couldn't relate to me and pushed me to the side... The thing is, I really love the topic, but I've been through a lot emotionally for the past couple of years and don't need to be under more pressure than needed because of my class; this is a very challenging program. When I noticed that they were ignoring me, not inviting me to their events etc...I gave them the benefit of the doubt by pretendind that nothing happened and showed even more interest in them but...they don't seem to want to make the effort. I have a thick skin but I think that I should be able to enjoy my study program without being bullied for obscure reasons. It's not good for them and for me. I wonder if i should just quit and find another program or stick to it while ignoring them outside of group work...Any advice? Thank you.