Dash if you can apply again I would say go for it. It's free to apply and you already have your essays, as well as, letters of recommendation. You could reach out to the current finalist or last years and get their input but like you said Fulbright is fickle and it's impossible to predict what exactly they are looking for. If you're not going to be losing any opportunity by applying once more (like postponing grad school or turning down a job) I would say go for it. You have nothing to lose except the time it takes to start an application and get all of your papers in order. I do understand what you're going through though. Being an alternate leaves us with a lot of "what ifs" and it's hard to get those out of your head. I wish you the best of luck no matter what you decide to do!