BartCobbins

As the title of my post suggests, I was waitlisted at my top choice last week. Here is some brief context for my question... I have 2 MA's and I'm married. Though getting a PhD at my dream school across the world used to seem attractive, at 30y/o I now have too many obligations to relocate, and my wife has an amazing job that would make the $20k/year for 5-6 years sustainable with starting a family etc.. So, although I could have applied to all of the top 10 schools in my field, I only applied to one great program (ranking and fit) that is nearby, and I applied to one other nearby PhD program that was a sure thing, in case my first choice failed. On to the question: when my POI informed me via email that I was waitlisted, I responded that I had several other offers, but that program was my top choice so I would wait it out as long as necessary and tell the other programs that I would not give a firm answer until then. She quickly responded -- via email, again -- that she would like to know where I got offers from, if I didn't mind. Now I have read from very knowledgeable, insider sources that admissions committees take the other offers that their applicants get very seriously, in some cases offering more money or pulling someone off a waitlist on the virtue of their other impressive offers. Okay, so I didn't necessarily lie in my response -- that school is definitely my top choice, and I will be telling the other program that I cannot give a firm decision until the final results of the waitlist are in. But I don't know how to respond to the question... It seems that she wants to help me get an offer (which are very competitive, as there are only 4-5 spots available) by asking me what my other offers were. Most people in my position -- 2 MAs, publications, teaching experience, 3.97 grad GPA, great LoRs from academic "rock stars" -- would have applied to many top schools and probably gotten a few offers from those programs with larger cohorts. But my life situation did not allow me to do this... The answer is easy, I know: don't lie. Never lie. It could catch up to you in a serious way. But damnit it's very frustrating that the fact that I didn't apply to other top programs could be such a strategic misstep! Have any of you had a similar experience? What would you do in my situation? It seems that my POI wants to fight for me, but the emphasis on my "other offers" seems absurd... Is that just how the game is played? Should I play poker and stay "mum" on the offers to bring out the covetousness of the admissions committee? Thanks for your responses. John Doe