Cat1029

It's not the major that I'm focused on, it's the program and the alignment of their ideas. I was looking for a good fit for my intended research. As I said before, I didn't get in the first time, and this is my second round of rejections. Studying and sharing ideas is what makes me happy, It's what I love to do, and if it wasn't, there is no way that I would have been able to pick myself up from the first time and try again. I'm in a better place now than I was when I made that last post, but it's still so difficult to figure out where I'm going to go from here. I love academia; researching, sharing, and expanding your ideas. Unfortunately, it doesn't seem to love what I have to contribute.

I got rejected from all the grad schools I applied to. Again. It feels like when you get stitches, and start to heal, and decide to get on the skateboard again, only to rip them all out again. I've lost any confidence I once had in my abilities as an academically inclined person and I don't know how to get them back, or if I even want to. It hurts so badly and I don't even understand why. Its not personal. I have a great job traveling around the world, living in other countries, learning about other people, and experiencing amazing things, and I want to...I dunno... contribute to the world using my experiences, but it doesn't seem possible at this point. I want to give up, but I feel like I'm letting down every professor who ever encouraged me to go to grad school and my own, enthusiastic naive undergraduate self. I don't want to give up on my dreams... I dunno what to do...