Wolven

Hello, first time posting in this forum. If this post is in the wrong place, I hope it gets moved to where it needs to be. Okay, I have a pretty stressful situation in my life at the moment. I need some major insight and advice. I am 23 years old. I graduated with a degree in psychology two years ago, with a GPA of about 3.6. I loved every class, coursework was easy to me - however I was not very active on campus because of my severe social anxiety. I knew from the beginning I wanted to get a Master's in counseling, and I knew I could understand the material given to me if I were to ever attend graduate school. However, I am absolutely PETRIFIED of the application process. I have tried to study for the GRE on my own time, even paying over $100 for a swing at a Magoosh online program, but I cannot make myself study. I just can't. I have a terrible issue with motivation and I honestly believe I have some form of undiagnosed ADD, because motivation and mental endurance has always been a very serious issue with me. I have come to the conclusion that the only effective way to prepare for the GRE is to pay for and attend a class, since there is some kind of pressure and responsibility I have to adhere to. And because of my lack of confidence and social grace, I never caught on with any of my old (and dearly beloved) psychology professors in undergrad. I had several meetings with them discussing my anxieties and concerns about graduate school, and they all reassured me I was a good candidate for it. However I was just too afraid to keep in contact with them and I feel my time slipping, since I will need recommendation letters in the future. I plan on contacting them again very soon and scheduling meetings in person. I wanted to discuss letters of recommendation, but I would like to have a solid GRE score to show first along with some writing samples. I also would like to give my old professors a chance to know me and my motives for pursuing a graduate degree. Right here I would also like to emphasize just that - I have really come out of my shell these two years and I am more sure than ever this is really my calling. I have an autistic older brother who I plan to take care of, and his autism has really made me delve into some topics that I don't think have much literature on. My closest friend has bipolar disorder and some other conditions, and she has woke me up somewhere inside. I just have this huge passion to understand how to help and appreciate people like her. I have had encounters with other people with mental challenges and it just makes me realize more and more what I need to be doing. I am a very serious introvert, but one-on-one sessions with people do not bother me much if I have confidence in what I am doing. My favorite professor commented in the very first lecture I attended with him that he knew I was a very good listener without me having ever said a single word, and we talked a while about the Myers-Briggs personality test after that... I guess my biggest woe though is my lack of self confidence. I just feel so hopeless and depressed seeing all my peers graduate, get jobs and become accomplished. Meanwhile I struggle to keep a minimum wage job at a sewing factory working ten hours a day and bringing home less than $240 a week. And I've spent two years doing this. I just feel like I can't even BEGIN this process of graduate school. I have this feeling like I am not smart enough to do this, and even if I were, maybe I don't have the motivation to go through it. It is very literally a mountain in front of me. Worrying and avoiding this is eating me alive. Academic life was very challenging for me as well in undergrad. The competion to be the best was ruthless inside me, and even though I made good grades, I still felt like I was only doing one percent of my potential. This feeling drives me insane. I can't imagine how badly I would feel doing this at a graduate level, unless I had some kind of reassurance I was doing decently. Life was pretty dull in college - I went to class, went back to my private dorm, juggled a double major in art and psychology for four years. But I made no contacts, I have a completely blank resume other than working an office job and this factory position. Neither of which help much right now. The graduate school I wish to attend is UARK in Fayetteville, north Arkansas. I live in southeast Arkansas in a town of 2,000 people. Guess my question is, how should I go about this? I am saving as much as I can for a big move closer to Fayettevile for other reasons anyway. I just need someone to put a light on how difficult the process of getting into such a program. Help me y'all. Thank you.