UCSB is the place to go for gender if these are your two choices. Unfortunately, getting off the waitlist there will be next to impossible. There's nothing you can really say to the department to increase your odds. It'll just be a matter of whether or not x people decline their offers. A while back I was waitlisted there and expressed that it was my top choice to both the DGS and my POI (not for gender, but nonetheless). The response they gave me was pretty much, "meh." I ended up taking some time off then reapplying then going elsewhere.