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I think that the East Coast schools are prime for that! Our list of schools are spread all over the U.S., however, we've been coming up with clusters of schools in proximity (similar to your approach, although I'm thinking that you and your husband's is probably even more solid with one geographic location). I'm going to keep doing some digging and see if I can come up with any possible 'proximity clusters' on our existing list. Ahhh yeah, so happy to not have kids on top of everything else in the mix of things! That sounds so tough, although hearing a story about things working out for an academic couple (even though compromise sounded like it was necessary) is definitely uplifting. Thank you so much! I genuinely appreciate your response here. Compromising and waiting to take the plunge one step at a time as you said is something I've definitely considered. My boyfriend is older than me (I'm in my early 20's and he's in his late) and while grad school is important for both of us to pursue, I truly feel like it may only be fair that he'd take the first shot. From the many conversations we've had about this, I get a sense that he'd probably sacrifice grad school just to be with me. Honestly, that would bother me I think! He's been in school a lot longer than I have, is older, etc. I feel like, considering my age in comparison to his, I could possibly benefit more from a gap period. And hey, your personal example's pros (independent research, being able to make a lot more money in comparison to a stipend, and, of course, being with your significant other) sound pretty good to me. Granted, I'd ideally like to be in grad school, and this would absolutely be a compromise, but this is something to consider nonetheless. I guess the question is, do we hedge our bets and still both apply to see what possible options we have now? My plan (as of now) is to definitely apply. On a good day, I feel optimistic about the process. On a bad day, it feels like too much to handle. (Like you said, the odds and anxiety are overwhelming.) Part of the worry stems from the unknown of the outcomes. If I decide not to apply at all, it eliminates hard decisions or "what ifs," however, not applying also presents itself with other "what ifs!" (And of course, this is all going to cost us money, haha.) Biggest worry I think: It would be a lot harder for me to step away from an offer of admission (especially to an MA/Phd program) if it's been given to me, you know? (Definitely the odds and anxiety you referred to.) As long as we're both open to compromise though, things will work out. Hmm, your response got me thinking... in addition to applying, maybe I'll explore other options in the places we're considering for grad school? Possible job opportunities or even internships that I might enjoy could be out there and would lead to even more options. Like I said, grad school is my ultimate goal, but if I found something awesome to do + I could be with my boyfriend, that'd be sweet.

Hi everyone, People seem quite nice on this forum, so I'm taking the plunge and expressing my worries in hopes of any advice and guidance from those in grad school, applying, or those who have recently gone through the process. Here's my dilemma: Both my boyfriend and I wish to ultimately pursue a PhD in English (which is awesome! We're kindred spirits and fellow nerds), but we'd obviously like to stay together. I have deeply considered taking a gap year or gap years and possibly even venturing onto a different career path, but this has been what I've wanted to do for years. Similarly, it has taken my boyfriend quite some time to figure out what is right for him in terms of a life path (he's an older student and has been in school for sometime), and he knows that pursuing a PhD in English is truly what he wants. A little bit about us for context: We went to different schools for undergrad, and will be applying to English MA and PhD programs with just bachelor's degrees. He's primarily interested in Modernism and Theory, while I'm interested in 20th Century & Contemporary Lit with an emphasis in critical theory, cultural studies, media and aesthetics. I am pretty confident in our stats. We both have gpas on the high-end, and we've been studying for the GRE. Both of us have been highly encouraged by our respective professors to pursue graduate degrees. This is already a stressful process as you all know, and lately I've been feeling the stress of not one, but TWO, grad apps, LOL. While I expressed that we're in pretty good standing for admission and I'm confident both of us could get in somewhere, I'm worried about the chances of us being together. It's just...aaahhhh. It's honestly so scary. Does anyone have any advice as to how we might navigate this process? We are currently looking into dozens and dozens of programs and are trying to find either 1) programs that look good for both of us or 2) programs in close proximity of each other. Has anyone dealt with a similar issue? I hear a lot about applicants applying to places with a significant other, but not necessarily applying together to the same program. Thanks all.