Trilobites

What. the. fuck. Prozac. Chip on my shoulder. Wow. Seriously? I guess students in English aren't as well versed at reading between the lines as I thought. My point is simple: Publications and research speak for themselves, not where you earned your degree. This frustration grows out of garbage such as this: http://www.wlu.edu/x22901.xml and many others (go ahead, search around), as well as the fact that there are those (in this forum, no less), who want others to rank programs for them. Why is this? Bite the bullet, attend your 178th ranked program if that is where you got in, and if you have something to say, whether or not you 'learned' how to say it at a prestigious university has absolutely nothing to do with whether or not you will be provided a forum (e.g. the univ. classroom) in which to teach. The connection between teaching and publishing is a rant for another day, but seriously, a little less on the rankings and a little more on the writing. You want to study creative writing? I got news for you. If you study with Saunders at Syracuse, you will become a writer. Neat-o, huh? The same people who obsess over rankings could very well be the same people who come up with thesis topics that, after you read them, you might just want to slap in the face. And I prefer marijuana to prozac, by the way.

This is the most ludicrous thing I have heard over and over with respect to PhD programs in English, coming not only from this forum, but 'advice' or 'thoughts' for prospective graduate students to be had everywhere. Yes, we all know getting accepted to Princeton and Harvard, Berkeley or Yale, etc. to study with 'the best' means you would be doing a great disservice to the 'community' of scholarly contributions if you simply decided not to embark on your chosen specialization (Blake studies needs me!). But seriously, I propose we all print off the top 50 or 100 list; I've heard talk there are lists on the Internet (my girlfriend always says she is on the Internets when I ask from the other room what she's doing. I'm not sure if it's supposed to be pluralized or not). Now lets print this off and only apply to to the top 20, because God man! I simply can't add anything to the discussion if I don't earn my PhD from 'that' school. I mean seriously, I will be offered this tenure track position once I have my degree because I studied the Victorian novel with 'this' professor (I've heard rumors though, that some universities not on the list have libraries where books are, and that these are the same books at all other universities). I realize the job market is tough, and it's "all about job placement" you might tell me. And let's be real, the passion for literature, at the level of PhD study, does need to be balanced with eyes looking ahead to the future. And while it's probably true that if your goal is to be a leading scholar on whatever it is that most interests you, and you show up to the interview with your 'lowly' degree and all these conferences you presented at, with your few publications, you will not be given the job. Because you see, it has nothing to do with the attempt at expertise that can be had in libraries all over the world, and everything to do with names. So go on...and you'll hear the same thing about law schools (as I write this my father is venting about how no one will hire him because he didn't get his JD from Duke or Harvard, but WNEC). It's true people, so lets join forces, because you know, at this point in my life, I've come to the realization that I can't ever say anything about 'Infinite Jest', open the text up to a wider range of possibility, unless I have a mailing address in certain college towns. I am also aware that there is a direct correlation between a professor's research, and their ability to teach. In other words, I understand that I could have received a better education at some places than I could have at others. Because I studied Joyce in Storrs, and not in New Haven, the book is closed off to me, available only to those select few. It's closing time, and I'm sitting at the bar alone, with my second-rate knowledge, my failure to even be admitted into conferences and lectures because I sweat the salt of unopened library books sitting in musty shelves in Storrs, spines bound and sent to die in Connecticut. I've got my eye on the Ivies for next year. English is tough though, because you know, unlike Physics, most applicants have a 4.0 in their undergraduate English departments. My goal for today is becoming the leading scholar on a collection of short stories by Breece D'J Pancake. It's all he ever wrote, and my sister's brother, Max, heard from the soda-jerk at the local Dairy Queen that you have to write a Thesis for a PhD. I've contacted my top 5 Ivy choices, and inquired as to whether or not I can write a shorter thesis if and when I become matriculated because my area of interest (this week) is not high in output.