Nick8007

Hello everyone, Let me preface by saying I sincerely thank in advance anyone who takes the time to read this, and offer me any assistance. I'm enrolled in a 1 year Masters degree program in Psychology (with no thesis requirement). It is a program that lasts from May to May. I started gaining research experience in August (first time ever in a lab), and I joined a lab that works with rats. Prior to joining, I never was told (or thought to ask, because I wasn't aware of the scope of the research) that I would have to be performing animal surgeries (cannula/perfusions). When I joined the lab initially, I told the PI that my predominate goal out of the year was to get into a lab, get my feet wet, understand the culture, and learn some techniques. However, he put me in charge solely of a collaborators project, and it's a project that said collaborator is really depending on. There are many occasions in this lab when I am doing something by myself unsupervised for the first time, and I really don't feel comfortable. Now, I know that in research labs, we are likely never comfortable learning something new; these skills take time to develop. However, I feel like the expectations, pressure, and lack of supervision has really put a dent in my confidence, and both physical and mental health. At its worst period, I didn't sleep or eat for over a week, which led me to make mistakes, which perpetuated the anxiety, and so the snowball became larger. I have routinely gone to therapy and counseling over depression and anxiety over this lab, and even needed immediate psychological triage one day. My coursework is great; while focusing predominately on my lab, I have gotten a 4.0 every semester of grad school (and graduated undergrad with a 4.0). I'm not really sure why I am anxious in this lab! I don't think I necessarily have any intrinsic problems morally performing the animal work, but I don't like being left alone completely unsupervised at this stage performing these techniques on live animals. The thought of spending another day in this lab makes me absolutely sick to my stomach. I entered the program with a profound passion, dedication, and work ethic for my field that I feel is now sucked dry and I am left feeling trapped, hopeless, and helpless. I don't want to abandon this project (because no one else is helping me on it, and there's no one around to do it), so I don't know what to do! My PI showed me these techniques once, and then completely cut me loose...I'm not sure if all labs work like this, but I feel like I need a little more supervision in these early stages of building my confidence working with live animals. Also, he has no post-docs employed, only 2 RA's, and 2 PhD students who really don't want to offer me any of their time (for obvious reasons/being too busy). Also, I talked to the PI about this, and he told me, "if I spent any time over your shoulder, I wouldn't get the work I need to get done, done. I can't be here all the time." While I agree, and understand the implications of him providing close supervision, I really feel like I just needed it only temporarily to build my confidence and make sure I'm doing things correctly, but he obviously isn't budging. What do I do? Thanks! -Nick