StarvedForAcceptance

I have always been an ambitious kid. Some of it had to do with the way I was brought up and the other part is that I just want to create. I have this urge to keep working on making new technologies. But I have always suffered from imposters' syndrome which led me to hardcore procrastination and perfectionist tendencies. Over the past few years, I have been fighting it and trying to come on top of it and just focusing on working. In my current school, I have exhausted all possible opportunities in my department and feel like I need a new environment to challenge me and get the creative juices rolling. My undergrad was the time I gave myself to experiment and try all sorts of things that seemed fascinating. As for my graduate school, I want to specialize and hone my skills in my area of interest and have fun because that is something I missed in my undergrad. I want to live a more balanced life where I am not working on a gazillion things at the same time just to prove myself worthy of getting the opportunities that I got. I already got rejected from my dream school. I don't think I could handle it for real if I got rejected from more schools. It's only a few days wait but I have become obsessive about it. I keep checking my email and getting distracted from work because of my anxiety. Hope I land someplace nice so I can begin on a fresh note in a different city!