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divineexistence

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Everything posted by divineexistence

  1. Regarding decisions: For all those logical reasons I just went through, the most honest answer probably has something to do with that "home" feeling you mentioned. The city, the people - they didn't make me feel like I was some rockstar, but they did make me feel like I was home. There was an unprompted familiarity at the prospective weekend which interacted very strangely with the parallel "newness" of it all. Fortunately, I'm a subscriber (from strong personal experiences) to the importance of gut-feelings and an intuitive sense of things. Part of me probably knew all along where I was going to pick, but I am glad I went through the paces of deciding, as angsty as some points got. Nervousness is likely unavoidable, but when I relax and stop analyzing everything so much, I feel a deep contentment with the decision. That's probably the best anyone can hope for after a difficult decision. It's all a very "The Road Not Taken" experience.
  2. It was good to get to read your post. I was worried I was the only one who had made this sort of decision. I turned down a top 3 program in my area (w/5 years solid funding) in order to go with the current number 17 program (w/a similar funding package). I totally got the "super-smart, great thoughts happen here" vibe from the #3 prospective weekend from both the profs and the other prospies. The entire process was exciting, and I really did get that "being courted" feeling from the entire thing. I felt *really* smart and special for getting in, and I think the faculty definitely encouraged that sensation. However, I also talked to more than one unhappy grad student, got the definite sense that admitted students were expected to be smart enough to figure out their own training and thus structure was not really provided, and generally got the impression that once I was in, I would have to fight pretty hard to get paid attention to ("self-advocate" a lot). The other school, the one I went with, ended up being much more grounded, the grad students universally happy (if humbler about their intellectual prowess), and the program came off without exception as remarkably "big, supportive family" . The faculty were involved in the weekend and actually hung out extracurricularly with the current grad students. Generally speaking, I also think that the department's philosophy toward work in the field is much more in sync with my own intellectual standpoint. That said, no part of the recruitment process really played up the "man, you're *so* smart" stroking of my ego, nor did I intellectually connect to the same degree with the other prospectives as I did with the ones at #3. There is really great work going on at the school, but there was not that same sense of "here is the home of the great thoughts" being promoted like it was at the other school (which makes me wonder if that has more to do more with self-image than actual substance). I ended up going with "healthy" over "dazzling," because this is a 5+ year commitment, and I really feel that both my intellectual ambitions and personal happiness will be better served by what the #17 program has to offer. That said, I am still nervous about that "underdog" mentality being there and getting into the program only to find it doesn't gear itself toward "high-octane" intellectual experiences and inquiry. To an extent, that worry won't go away until I am there and I can see how it is for myself. I don't believe I will be disappointed, however. It is also important to point out that if the program does end up tending toward that, you still get the advantage of the "big fish, small pond" effect. Start sticking out as an exceptionally brilliant potential, and I am sure some of those big names In the faculty may very well take note and invest in you personally. Snagging high-performing students is one of the ways that programs build themselves up, and if you show yourself as a special asset to the department, people will take care of you. Graduate school is not the same as undergraduate - the students, at least in well-functioning departments, are investments to be cultivated. Just make sure they find out early how great an investment you are!
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