anonymapp

It has been nearly two months after I made my decision between two PhD programs, and I have been feeling terrible about it for 2/3 of the time afterwards. I would actually be excited enough with either school had I not been accepted by another, but now just can't stop blaming myself . I would appreciate any suggestion, no matter on how to feel better, how to improve my situation, or whether things are really so bad that I should back out. Something about the programs (I made some details vaguer to avoid being recognized but they will generally be representative of my situation): Program A: Ivy/Stanford/MIT, top tier in my subject, which I declined Pros: overall prestige/alumni network; slightly more stipend (scholarship); more flexible curriculum (nice because I have taken most required courses before) Cons: fewer profs in my fields of interest; the "chemical/vibe" was not a perfect fit in some "nuisance" parts Program B: UC school/big state university, also top in my subject, which I accepted Pros: slightly better climate of the city; atmosphere that is a slightly better fit for me; slightly more profs in my fields of interest, placed more students in my desired positions (which may well change) Cons: many required courses that I can't waive; more TA/RA obligation (funding comes from TA/RA) I chose B because of a better fit in both research interests and job placement. But now I start to feel more and more uncertain about my interests - I haven't tried many fields of research yet, and my interests seem to come out of nowhere. Also, I feel more and more discouraged looking at the required curriculum when course registration is nearing. What made me more upset than before was that I was assigned a temporary advisor (for my first 2 yrs) today, whose research interests have no overlap with mine... Though I don't need to be committed to working with them at all, I take this as a predictive sign for how things will develop in the future - maybe my profs of interest all prefer to work with other students? I know I will likely be fine in program B after all. But I was really worried that the regrets will not disappear during the following years. Also, since it was more difficult to get into program A, I even started to feel that I shouldn't forgo the opportunity to attend it, given that I tried so hard to get in. This may not be reasonable at all, but it bothers me whenever I was not so confident and happy with my decision. Finally, I guess I will feel worse if I back out, so I don't really want to do it. But please do let me know if things are really so bad that I should.