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desertwoman

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  1. I don't have insurance, and my experience at a very low cost student training clinic was horrible. You have a point about having more access to support once in grad. school, though I want to at least get to a level where I could focus enough to keep up. I guess where there's a will there's a way (re: accessing therapy). Thanks again for the advice
  2. This is good advice. As I said in another comment, I think the root of the problem is that I became too emotionally invested in this professor. I guess there has to be a balance between having a good rapport and professional distance. I guess it is better to have a longer gap than to rush into grad. school and do poorly or even fail because of psychological issues. Thank for the advice
  3. Sorry for my incessant posts on this. I have OCD, which makes this even more difficult for me because I can't stop thinking about it. I actually wish I could get counseling, but I can't afford it. You are, however, probably right that a virtual forum isn't the best place to expect to get help working through this. I'll try not to post on it so much, but I do appreciate your support
  4. I agree 100%. All of these problems stem from the fact that I became too psychologically dependent on this professor. You also have an excellent point about differentiating between a professor's research ability and/or personality and their advising skills (or whether or not you'd be a good fit for them). Since this professor never became my adviser, I can't speak to her advising skills, but based on our interactions in class, I thought she would have made a good one (plus one of her doctoral students one a dissertation award). However, I was clearly looking for something more than she was psychologically willing/able to give. Thanks for the advice/perspective
  5. It's not "crazy" at all. If your heart is set on this program or adviser, then the risk is worth it. If you really can't see yourself anywhere else or with another adviser etc., then even if you were accepted to a backup school, you'd be depressed/unhappy, and this could end up affecting your work. Some people aren't emotionally invested in any particular school or professor etc. So, it makes sense for them to apply to multiple places to increase their chance of acceptance. (They'd be content anywhere.) But you sound very excited about this program and may be depressed somewhere else. (I don't know you of course, but if this is the case, then I say take the risk and only apply to your dream school.)
  6. There was one professor during my undergrad. education whom I particularly admired both personally and professionally. I only took two courses with her (one a short summer semester), so I understand that I barely knew her, but I thought she'd be the perfect thesis adviser for the master's program I was applying to at this university (based on our shared research interests, political views, and personality factors). I envisioned us having a perfect mentor/mentee relationship and her then becoming my Ph.D. adviser and eventually friend and colleague. The problem was that she was on the verge of retirement and not taking on new students. Our relationship ended up souring (and I"m still affected by it), but even if that hadn't happened, it would still would have been difficulty/depressing to work with another adviser. However, I also don''t want to throw away my future and still hope to attend graduate school. My first question is, was the adviser/advisee relationship I envisioned with the former professor even realistic? How often does one meet with their thesis/dissertation adviser and how close are these relationships? (I"m not referring to sexual relationships, but does one typically become close friends with their adviser or is more of a distant relationship?) I honestly don't think I'm going to form the same connection with another adviser, and I'll be depressed which would distract me from my research and coursework. I guess the logical answer is to take more time off (I graduated a year ago) until I feel ready to work with another adviser, but as a non-traditional student (late 30's), I feel more pressured with time. Also, I worry that a gap of more than a year might be perceived negatively by admissions committees. (They may perceive me as less serious/passionate about the field, etc.) Thoughts or suggestions, anyone? How do I find an ideal adviser and what should my expectations be about the relationship. (I imagined all the positive, but does everyone have negative moments with their adviser?)
  7. @Sigaba Thank you for sharing your experiences. None, by the way, seem that bad to me, though I guess we tend to judge our own work harder than others' do. (My research paper seems like the worst thing any student in the history of academia has ever written...[numerous egregious typos/mistakes and formatting/citation problems [this was more due to lack of familiarity with Chicago style than anxiety]). I agree that it's probably going to struggle with this for years (just hoping it doesn't distract me from performing well if I"m accepted into graduate school), and I admittedly did handle the email situation poorly, though I still think faculty should be more understanding when mental issues are involved.
  8. @norellehannahIt's a little more complicated because our relationship ended up souring. When she first said that I "could contact her in the future re: grad school applications, I assumed that she was just trying to put off declining me. She was retiring the next year (I graduated in Dec. 2018), so she probably figured that by the time I contacted her, she would have already left the university. However, having permission to contact her, I decided to submit a proposal to an academic conference she'll be attending this year, thinking that she'd have the chance to see me present research and would know that I could handle a significant project. When I emailed her asking for assistance with finding volunteers to interview (it was an oral history project), she responded curtly and I ended up reporting the email to the chair. I later emailed her to apologize, explained my anxiety disorder (as well as the depression I experienced when I found out she couldn't be my adviser (this significantly impaired my concentration), and even told both the chair and the dean that I thought I overreacted to her email. Yet, she never answered that email (where I also asked directly for a letter of recommendation) or the next one. I guess I'll never really know for sure whether she ever intended to write a letter of recommendation in the first place (I"m thinking she didn't, but I could be wrong), but I'm still upset about the situation. (And it's escalated pretty far because I've since complained about the chair etc.) I actually don't have any other strong references in my field. (I have one from a different field). I think I'm going to ask the dean to write the letter since she was aware of all my extenuation circumstances and hopefully could say that I managed to do well despite facing hardship. Thank you for the response.
  9. I've been studying for the GRE (books and online sources) and so far I find the verbal section ridiculously easy. It's difficult to believe that a test that's designed to weed people out of graduate programs could possibly be that easy, so I'm worried that the study guides are much easier than the actual test. Has anyone found a discrepancy between difficulty level of the test vs. the study guides or is this a sign that I will get a high verbal score?
  10. I agree with many of your perceptions, and I can see how this professor thought I might have been trying to guilt or coerce her into helping with the project. That wasn't the case, but I believe much of the problem stemmed from the way the chair handled everything. He really should have mediated the situation so we could have worked everything out (even by Skype or email etc.), and I've since complained about him to multiple levels of administration. It seems bridges are so easily burned in academia, but this was the first time I had such an experience and took it very harshly. I will start contacting other faculty to work with and hopefully get a stronger letter of recommendation. Thank you for the thorough reply.
  11. You're welcome. It may be different in your program. I'm applying to history programs and most of them ask you to describe your research interests. If the prompt is "Why do you want to become a SLP?," a personal response seems more appropriate. Sorry for any confusion...Good luck!
  12. Most grad. school statements of purpose should focus on your research interests and how they connect to the faculty's in that department. They're much less personal than undergrad.college essays. It's not necessarily that they don't believe ADHD is legitimate (which would be rather ignorant), but if they ask you to describe your research interests and you make the essay personal(even if it's connected to your interests), you'll probably be rejected. I learned this from experience. With that said, if they specifically asked you to describe overcoming an obstacle, then you may be okay. Good luck!
  13. I actually had a similar situation with a professor's tone, so I can very much relate to how you're feeling. While I obviously don't know with certainty the reason for her tone, here are the possibilities I see: 1. She may be uncomfortable (or bitter about) writing a LOR for another field. Did you mention going into sociology? (I don't agree with this attitude, even if this was the case.) 2. Since you didn't mention a letter of recommendation in your letter, she may not have realized that you're asking for one. The only way to know for sure is to write her back and specify the request for a letter of recommendation. 3. She doesn't remember you. Did you take many classes with her? While it's easy to remember our professors, unless we stood out in some way, they usually don't remember us due to the quantity of students they have. Whatever the reason, I doubt it has anything to do with you not keeping in touch with her. Professors don't usually expect to keep in touch with undergrads. (Maybe there are some exceptions, but most don't.) Unless she specifically invited you to keep in touch and seemed genuine about it, I wouldn't worry about this. Of course, you'll never really know unless you write back to her and specifically request the letter of recommendation. The worst outcome is that she'll ignore you or reply curtly again (maybe even more curtly). You just have to be prepared for these outcomes. In any case, it doesn't sound like you'll have too much of a problem given that you excelled in a difficult field and have top GRE scores. I would definitely go with academic references. Your academic performance speaks for itself, and as long as there isn't anything negative in the letters, you'll probably get in easily. Good luck!
  14. I"m not familiar with the schools you listed, but I think a lot depends on the specific requirements of the program you're applying to and the circumstances of your stats. For example, your cumulative GPA is 3.3. but was it higher in your major? (This could be a crucial factor.) If you excelled in your major and have strong letters of recommendation, those carry significant weight. Alternatively, did you just have one or two bad semesters? If you showed marked improvement (or if there were extenuating circumstances), that will be considered as well. My point is, each applicant is judged individually, and decisions aren't based on GPA and test scores alone. You won't know until you apply...Good luck!
  15. I actually didn't go to the chair until after she ignored my second email (the one where I offered to withdraw the proposal). I may not have reacted as strongly with another professor, but given that she knew how much I admired her, I thought her actions were particularly insensitive. I not only asked her to be my adviser (even if she couldn't accept the request, it's still an honor to be asked) but devoted much of my statement of purpose to how inspired I was by her research and gave her a stellar teaching evaluation. Again, we seemed to have a good rapport at one time, so I figured she "devalued" me after the paper. Maybe I did read too much into everything... And I actually didn't find undergrad too stressful (for the most part), though I didn't work and only focused on school. This was an unusually chaotic semester, and I worried that this professor saw my paper as a reflection of my ability rather than my circumstances. It's one thing to be sympathetic/lenient with a grade if the goal is just for someone to finish undergrad., but when evaluating that student's potential for grad. school, are extenuating circumstances ever considered?
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