Sorry for being the drama queen guys; thanks for the support. I'll keep my chin up.
It does make me wonder if there isn't some area of my application succumbing to the infamous "kiss of death": a bad letter, SoP off the mark, or even a befuddled writing sample. I'm definitely going to have to make some calls after this thing washes out... I am afraid it's not anything I can really change, like my letter writers (their reputations, or lack thereof) or lack of pedigree. If anything, I know I can work a little bit harder, and if it doesn't work out, organic beet farming here I come. Maybe Arena football?