Dear everyone that responded to me,
First of all, wow, I am blown away at the depth of all of your responses. Thank you for spending the time to type that all out, and cater your responses to my needs. You each bring up excellent points, and have helped me reevaluate how I would present myself. Although I've tried to browse this forum over a few months, and I have seen the repeated "don't just list your achievements", I still felt pretty hung up about my bachelors degree for some reason (maybe that's impostor syndrome. I wanted to prove that I was worthy). Also, don't get me wrong, MSU Denver was the best experience of my life. It truly set me on the right path to become an academic, and gave me the real-life the tools and lenses to view my field from different perspectives. Your answers have assuaged a lot of anxiety I have, mostly because I was fixated on the simple merit aspects of an application. The ways in which you've gone about addressing the various aspects of my person, rather than merit alone, have shown me that I should be able to craft a good presentation of how I personally would help further the discussions in my field. I do feel that I have gained a lot of insight into my field through my specific personal experiences, and would contribute to the field with a sort of scholarly activism. I won't write it all here, but all the points brought up has me thinking over here... I feel like I have a lot to say that I didn't think about before (or a much better way to spin it). I'm trying to learn how to present myself as an academic.
To answer some questions y'all asked (and I of course would be much more detailed/polished in an application), I am specifically interested in queer/trans masculinities of the 1920s, especially in relation to urban, anonymous spaces (like speakeasies) and black markets. I was able to do lots of original research into that topic (broadly) while I was in Denver, and found many interesting aspects surrounding the butch and trans communities during prohibition. I guess my broader question is how anonymous, urban spaces and the black markets that sprung out of prohibition then created avenues for queer expressions and a shift in power relations for these communities in a time when trans people and crossdressing were not accepted, as well as how women/assigned female at birth people could not hold as much power as cis men and how they navigated that. I would specifically love to do this research in Chicago. I found so much in Denver archives, I'm sure a city like Chicago would be brimming with information. Not to say too much about myself, but my own lived experience would contribute to this field, in that I guess I have a lot of personal experience and investment in this research. While the field of trans men/butch lesbian/female masculinity etc. at the turn of the 20th Century in America has been written about, viewing it through the lens of prohibition has been less talked about. Queerness and an association with alcohol prohibition culture is generally known, but I want to narrow the focus on members of my own historical community, often powerless, who were able to gain power distinctly through this unique moment in legal history (whether that be as bootleggers, proprietors of speakeasies, or what have you, in relation to illegal alcohol). Sorry if I repeated myself, I was trying to just get all my ideas down. This forum is excellent practice for before I write my application!
I feel that my international experience in Germany has brought many new experiences to the table for me, and it has also contributed to my language abilities (nearly fluent now in German). Although German might not directly relate to my field, I feel that studying American Studies will bolster my historical career, because this degree focuses a lot on culture and literature. I am able to view the communities I want to write about through a different lens than I did before as a history major. Also, the conversations in seminars we have about these topics are with students of various backgrounds that I was not exposed to in the USA. Additionally, it is eye-opening and interesting to learn about the United States from a non-American point of view, as some holes are being poked in my assumptions. It has also shown me the distinct lack of queer/gender studies outside of the USA (I know it exists elsewhere, but at my current university, for example, and in lots of Germany, it is almost non-existent! I get to forge my own path here in that way.)
And lastly, I am sticking to "only" Northwestern because they don't require GREs. Plus, it's in/near a city of great interest to my potential research, and is a good school (and they seem to have a good crossover into sexuality studies). If other US uni's did not require GREs, I would also apply there. Otherwise, I might get stuck getting a 3 year PhD in Germany in a field I'm less interested in (which I don't really want to do). Germany is amazing, but as an American, it doesn't really make sense for me to study American history over here. Plus I've been hearing some disparaging things about their higher education (as far as my job opportunities).
Again, thanks for all the thorough answers, and I'm sorry if anything I've said is naive. Like I said, I am new to this and still learning how to navigate my way through my academic journey. I appreciate the efforts to help change that for me
