(Hi everyone! This is kinda a long story, I feel really torn between imperfect options given my personal/health situation and would appreciate any advice from fellow students who've dealt with similar situations. Thanks in advance. I have also posted this on a different site, so apologies if you've seen it twice.)
I'm an international student who's been accepted to an fully-funded PhD program at a UC, and waitlisted at a couple of other private universities. While it is a great program and an excellent fit for me in many ways, I feel deeply torn between settling for what I consider to be an unsatisfactory funding package and my desire to go there and carry out my research project ASAP, which I feel very committed to studying. I'm going to discuss my package and "options" with their Director next week, but I'd still like advice because I truly don't know which way I'll decide.
The funding package offered is a 6 years TA-ship, with the expectation that I would get an external grant for a year of fieldwork -- adding up to the "normative" time to degree of 7 years. The school admits incoming students with different levels of funding (e.g. additional internal fellowships or TA-free quarters leveraged through competing offers, which I don't have because of the disappointing admissions cycle this year, where multiple strong programs have told me that I would have gotten in in a "normal" year except they had 50-75% reduction in funded places this year). Their Director has been sympathetic but they told me that without competing offers, there's not much they can do.
I felt a bit resentful and angry at myself for applying this year (even though my life circumstances would not have made applying in other years possible), and that I have potentially incurred $10-20k in opportunity cost -- money that could be sitting in my otherwise empty bank account. When I was interviewing at other programs, they stressed their equal funding packages as an important benefit and at that time I didn't think it was a big deal at all; now I totally see how it could lead to tensions between grad students.
A couple of additional factors are giving me pause:
1. Lack of backup funding should I fail to obtain an external grant for my fieldwork year -- I've realized this is actually a common scenario due to competitiveness of grants. But in many other programs (mainly private universities) you can use your stipend to cover your fieldwork year.
I've had long zoom conversations with 6 students in the program, 4 of whom are in their final years. Out of those 4, 3 had failed to get external grants for their fieldwork year and 1 had to spend another year reapplying, which added an extra year to their timeline and I think all 4 are either in, or going to be approaching their 7th years. The 3 managed to "make it work" by getting a job at their field sites in their home countries, stretching a TA-free quarter for the year, or borrowing money -- all of which would be either not possible for me or something I would draw a hard "no" at.
2. The requirement that I complete my PhD in 6 years, 1 year earlier than the stated "norm" as I only have 6 years of non-resident tuition remission (as an international student I can never become a CA resident and qualify for in-state tuition). If I exceed 6 years, I would be on the hook for $15k in tuition fees. Even though I am promised 6 years of TAship, in reality I can only use 5 years of it.
Statistics vary but I think only 10-20% of Anthropology students finish within 6 years. I already have a good outline for my research so it's maybe somewhat feasible for me, but I'm worried because I was recently diagnosed with a chronic medical condition that in an unlikely but possible scenario, might necessitate a short leave of absence, which would eat into my 6-year clock. Finishing in 6 years is doable, but 5.5? Unheard of, I think. And probably impossible with constant TA-ing and no other backup financial support.
Furthermore, I don't have the resources to pay $15k. With my $2k monthly TAship I would hope to have $8-10k in savings at most by my 6th year. To pay that kind of money I would have to take out a private loan at interest rates 2-3x that of federal student loan rates, and I would need a US citizen co-signer. Who in their right mind would co-sign a loan for a broke grad student with poor employment prospects?!
I spent many hours having long conversations with different students in different programs before applying so that I would know the ins and outs of each place I applied to and be close to 100% certain that this was the path I wanted to pursue. When it came to the matter of taking time off, most people seemed to relay how flexible their programs were and how "stopping the clock" was not a big issue at all. What nobody told me was that at certain public universities, this flexibility might not be accorded to me as an international student.
I feel that in this case it's not just a small unfair thing that I could just grit my teeth and swallow but a possible $15,000 penalty I might have to fork out, for something that's literally the "norm" that everyone else is doing. This is a kind of unfairness that could make me hate my program, my school, and my peers.
Of course if it all works out I will be fine. I know that I will work hard to get all the grants out there and finish as quickly as possible. But I'm worried I'll be deeply screwed over if it doesn't work out, for whatever reason(s) that may be beyond my control.
If I had known about all of this, I would probably not have applied to this program or any public school. I will have to decide come April 15, and even though it kinda feels like I'm whinging over nothing since I am lucky to have a fully-funded offer, this is truly one of the hardest decisions I've grappled with. If I reject it, my likely alternatives are to pursue a fully-funded 1-year master's program first and reapply to other schools in 1-2 years' time, which would delay my field research (that I am dying to get back to). Or I could just find a way to return to my field site and continue my work on my own first (difficult, but not impossible). I've come SO close this year to getting better funding packages at strong private programs, but it is still risky as who knows if this is truly the "new normal" of post-pandemic funding levels and I might never get another PhD offer?
How do I choose between potentially (maybe ~20% likelihood?) of being in debt and very financially insecure (something I always thought I would draw a hard line at) to deferring my goals and dreams for another 1-2 years until I get the funding package I know I deserve and that I'm 100% comfortable with? I'm almost 30 and delaying doesn't feel ideal.
I feel like my gut is telling me to reject the offer, but the prospect of delaying a research project I want to devote my life to studying feels gut-wrenching, too. If I accept this UC's offer, can I avoid feeling regret or resentment at the program and my peers?
