Don't apologize for the rant, I think we can all relate to this! It really does seem like the requirements get more and more difficult to follow each year – we really need some kind of centralized portal with common requirements (for references' sake, too!). I'm trying to remember that when the requirements seem ridiculous and like they won't represent my experience at all (500 word statement, weird CV format, no CV, etc.), everyone else is probably feeling the same way too. Seems super obvious, but often when I'm stressing over these applications, I realize its because I'm treating them as though my 500 words have to compete with everyone else's full CV and 3-page statement, which is obviously not the case. Hang in there, just a week-ish left of this!