Sweetplea

I read my rejection letter today. I received it two days prior, but I wanted to make sure I was mentally ready to hear the news so I waited until today to open it. It was the third time I applied. I feel like the wind has been knocked out of my sails. On someone else's post I read: it seems like I keep trying to get into a club that doesn't seem to want me. This I discover in my core. Then I torture myself thinking things like, why did they give me an interview and ask me to re-apply after the first application? Then after the second rejection, the admissions director is encouraging, says my letters were glowing, but it's possible they just didn't have space that year (64 students get admitted and they get 300-450 applicants per year). He even tried to put me in touch with the Dean and I got a confirmation from her 'secretary' that she would call me, but it didn't happen. I assume because she was busy. Still, my hopes are getting higher. Though I didn't apply by the Dec 1 deadline (for UCB Masters degree in Journalism) because I didn't feel confident in my ability to put together a strong application considering it had been a very difficult year for me, I apply in March after I am notified that they were extending the deadline and that I need to complete my application by 9 pm the following day. Can you believe it?!! But I did it nonetheless. There is a technical glitch with the video formatting so I didn't get it in at the exact time, but close enough, and the admissions director accepted it. So I guess that brings me to present day. I am prone to depression, if you know what I mean, and I am very concerned that this news could trigger a long-term episode. On the other hand, I try to tell myself this too shall pass, but does that mean my dreams and the future I envisioned for myself is over? I can't win. All roads lead to sorrow. I don't mean for my post to affect anyone else's state of mind/being about their journey. We are all different and there are countless paths to pursue in order to reach the end goal. But thank you if you are reading this. I would love any support, wisdom, constructive criticism and the like.