strathmore

UnlikelyGrad: Hang in there! Depression has been a big part of my life, too. I will definitely check out your blog :-) Ticklemepink: I am taking a few classes in my strong area - foreign language. Sadly, although I can use my language skills for research, the classes in and of themselves are not very "academic." My "bad" classes, the "academic" ones, only occur two days a week. But what a load of work they are! I wish I knew a way to keep up without spending my entire weekend reading and writing. We can choose to take our required classes at any time, as long as they all add up in the end. My original thought was to get all the hard required classes out of the way this year, so that next year I will be able to calmly write my thesis. But now I'm not so sure that I can handle another semester like this one! Katzenmusik: I do try to prepare some comments, though once people start talking, I realize how uninteresting or misguided they actually are! I suppose this is an issue of comprehension. I'm working on it... Fuzzylogician: You're right. I know that if I make it through these two years, I will be a significantly improved hard-working normal person (I like that term). I don't know why it is so difficult to not compare myself to others. I suppose I'm also worried that my papers will be graded harshly against the high standards that have been set by my peers. Luckily, since everyone else plans on going into academia, I won't have to worry about competing with them on the job market ;-). Admittedly, I am still tripped out by the name and status of the university, especially due to my rather humble [academic] beginnings. Riotbeard: Baby steps. Just uttering one comment would be a triumph for me at this point! I do actually prepare talking points.. ah, it's a complicated story why it hasn't worked out, but I will keep jotting things down nonetheless. Thanks again, everyone. ***P.S. Sorry if my lack of quotations makes my responses kind of confusing. I originally tried writing it with all of the quotations and the post was just too massive!

Hey... I'm having "first semester blues" as well - as evidenced by my own separate vent-post, hah. I've noticed that I always tend to become discontent once I've reached my goal. It's just human nature, I suppose. I also know what it's like to feel blase about everyday life. Do you get a chance to do anything fun? Ever since the semester started, the highlight of my weekend has been going to the grocery store! Perhaps you might enjoy exploring your new town? Taking pictures? Eating exciting ethnic food? Sorry for not having any better advice.. I'm in the same boat!

Ticklemepink: I definitely don't feel like I'm good enough, but not due to laziness. I just don't think there is any way in hell that I could be as smart as the people I study alongside.. my MA program is also interdisciplinary, so I'm taking classes from top-ranked departments - and the students obviously mean business! The program I am in is much more obscure, though, and not nearly as competitive as the school's other departments.. so I basically got in through the back door. Anyhow, I have no dreams of beating the other kids.. I can only aspire to keep up at this point... Starmaker: Actually, I do live with my significant other. Good source of human interaction, but for some reason, my vents seem to go through one ear and out the other. Oh well.. At least my counselor acknowledges me! :-/ Thanks for the comments

Thank you both for the kind replies.. I must clear one thing up, though, and that is that I'm not going for my PhD, just a Masters (thank GOD!). Nonetheless, I do share classes with PhD students from various departments, and most of my cohorts intend on applying to PhD programs afterward. So, it's difficult for me to feign parity with my academia-oriented peers. Man... I'm starting to procrastinate now, too. It seems like the more reading I have to do, the less I want to even attempt it. Anyway, I hope my non-PhD-seeking status doesn't diminish the credibility of my original post... I wouldn't want anyone to retract such helpful advice!

Greetings, This is my first semester of grad school. Briefly - I went straight from a big, party-loving state school to an Ivy League. My undergrad experience left me totally unprepared for the "real world" of academia. Not a day goes by without me feeling like an idiot. I can't participate in class discussions for the life of me, the reading load is ridiculous, and I spend my entire weekend indoors studying. Last week, I attempted to discuss some of these concerns with my professor, and I ended up having a bona fide panic attack in his office! Up until that point, I didn't realize the extent of my anxiety. I have serious doubts that I am even mentally capable of doing some of my assignments. To top it off, I have one class that is mixed with undergrads who consistently make me look like an ignoramus in my own research area! Has anyone else here experienced this level of self-doubt? If so, did you manage to overcome it, and how? Where did you find support? (For the record, I do see a counselor and take meds.) Thanks!