Somehow, I got an offer from my first choice program, and I accepted the offer. I'm finally going to be a PhD student. But for anyone out there who is feeling discouraged, frustrated, or that maybe they're not made of the "right stuff" to get into a top program, let me note what it took for me to finally get an offer:
-Five years of my life
-Four application cycles
-An MA
-Lots (and lots) of debt
-A good deal of embarrassment and self-loathing
-Significant opportunity cost
Many times I felt certain I just wasn't good enough. For weeks on end I'd feel untethered, directionless, stuck in a maze of my own making. I knew I didn't have the smarts, or the motivation, or the knowledge, to do what my peers had done--which was to get over the line, to win the recognition of the faculty, to somehow make it through the gauntlet and come out ahead of dozens of applicants with stronger resumes and more compelling projects.
It is possible. You do have it in you to achieve this goal of doctoral study and research--if it's what you want. But it was not, in my case at least, easy, cheap, wise, or even rational. I stand ready to begin my PhD program fully aware that the argument that my doing so is crazy is a pretty strong one.
I wish you all the best in this mysterious, unpredictable mission to become scholars.
Congratulations, keep going, add oil, etc. etc.!
