analog_e

as someone who lowkey wants to stay nestled within academia forever, the longer the better, but most of the programs I plan to apply to if I don't get into my one and only this time around are 2 years because location and funding are ultimately way more of a consideration. I need to stay reasonably close to Virginia, as in not venturing past Michigan or Rhode Island, the city needs to have fairly strong public transportation or be walkable, and I need to be able to afford life there. Prestige is the next factor, but that tends to be sorted out by the funding anyway. Then whether the program seems like a good fit for me as an artist. After all that, I can begin worrying about how long the program is.

I've been told my writing is for people with graduate degrees, though I don't know how true that really is. It's really pretty readable, even if a little difficult at times. I think a lot about what DFW said in an interview about seeing Blue Velvet breaking him out of being an avant-gardist and just comfortably finding his voice as something distinct. That's really all I'm playing at. The intention is never to be difficult, just to express something how it needs to be expressed. I didn't start writing poetry until this year because of workshop at UVA with Lisa Spaar, whom I adore. It's been a fun process, and I have written some quality prose poetry, but the lined stuff is mostly a little wanting still even if one of them got into the UVA lit mag. I'm hoping to get it to the point where I feel comfortable enough to apply for poetry and fiction next year, because as far as workshops are concerned, I find it much easier to give critical feedback and insight on poems.

Things I write well: Complex novels Poetry Things I do not write well: short fiction that isn't just ostensibly a prose poem and really works better being judged as poetry I hate writing short fiction idk what it is

thank you! It's amazing how much better one becomes at turning in high quality work on time after quitting the hard drugs and taking the right legal ones this is even more reassuring-I figured it would at least matter a bit, but I feel very confident in the quality of my sample even if it is the middle of a novel

Symposium is where I found the Deleuze and Alan Silva! Alongside like five other books. I really appreciate that update on acceptances, it gives me some measure of hope that it's not too late, even if I do figure this year was too egregious a longshot (I applied with a 2.4 GPA 😅...it is now a 3.2 but the committee does not know that)

Well, I am back from Providence. What a lovely little city-I was stopping every block to marvel at the Queen Anne homes, the skyline is small but so pronounced in its design, it just feels so definitively New England. The bookstores are unreal-I found Deleuze and an LP of Alan Silva's Luna Surface in the same little shop downtown, and Weird Providence in The Arcade sells Michael Cisco and The King in Yellow across from Pynchon. I have what may be a new favorite tattoo, if I can be said to have a favorite from among my tattoos. But, most importantly, Brown was marvelous. What a gorgeous campus. I can't say whether I prefer it to UVA because they are radically different and UVA has ostensibly been my home for so long, but I was immediately obsessed. I do not even care that I didn't get in, because I knew I wouldn't with my transcript in the state it had been in, I just feel doubly confident in my effort to get in next year. I can easily see myself having a content little life for a bit in Rhode Island. That said, on the eleven hour train ride home I did extensive research into other programs and have a list of 9 others I will also be applying to this time around rather than the ol' Brown or Bust mentality.

I have made peace with not getting accepted to Brown and am moving on with my day by enjoying the animatronics at Stew Leonard's. Their songs of fruit and eggs soothe my wounded spirit.

I've never been more tense 😬

Most of my impression of Brown is based on talking to people who went there for undergrad, my fiddle instructor whose brother and sister in law both work for Brown, and going thru interviews with folks. The overall impression I've gotten is that they just sort of let you take your approach, whether that's experimental or traditional, and don't really try to enforce a house style. That's the most important facet in choosing an MFA for me—I don't want to be wormed into writing the much maligned "MFA fiction" people speak of. Granted, this is all based on secondary or tertiary information and I have never been to Brown. I'm on a train to Providence right now because I figured I should go somewhere for spring break and why not tour the campus at least and engage in some tattoo tourism. I'm sure you're right that it's very cohort dependent but I'm not sure how I could prepare and investigate more than I have already whether the program might be a good fit for me.

I can't imagine Brown wouldn't allow me to do just about whatever I want, but I do need to explore other programs. I have a feeling I won't get in this year because my admission banks on a narrative of redemption/resurgence, how I came out of addiction to graduate from UVA, and when I applied I hadn't really proven that yet—I still very much had my cocaine GPA on my transcript. Everything looks way better now and I've made straight As but they don't know that. I decided to try my chances and just apply to Brown and see what happens figuring it's a no go, with next season being my actual serious "I think I can do this" effort. Who knows, though, I have amazing recommendation letters, an incredible SOP, and a strong writing sample. It could be enough!

I've been obsessively writing poetry to keep my mind occupied. I just finished a decent little lyric sequence of poems centered around fine art and art school dropouts. They're all prose poems, but very much poems, which is an odd affectation for me as someone who mostly writes long form fiction. But I think I have a knack for it and I have enjoyed my poetry courses with Lisa a fair bit more than I enjoyed writing short fiction. It leaves me wondering whether perhaps not getting into Brown Fiction will be such a negative, because it opens the possibility of applying to Brown for poetry next year (and this time being wise and applying to some safety schools >_<)

UVA finished their MFA review last night according to my insider info, so expect it soon

Not necessarily—I listened to a podcast with one of their poetry candidates and he said most of his peers write within convention. I think the opportunities for experimentation are just more present.

I'm single-mindedly obsessed with going to Brown because of their reputation for limitlessness and experimentation. I just feel like it's the program for weirdos, and I fall firmly in the weirdo camp.

I've been writing poetry and reading Infinite Jest and playing fiddle relentlessly on top of midterm assignments trying to keep my mind occupied and it's not working 😭 Brother, I just want to know...why is the only program to which I applied one of the last to notify