In spiraling out while waiting to hear from programs: this does not mean your writing isn't quality but means it's not the right time. You have to keep writing!
Join a writing group (in-person, Zoom, local, out-of-state), read so many books (writers you admire, local bookstore recs, translated works, different style/genre, audiobooks, chapbooks, etc), go to readings, become a reader for a lit mag (I did this for a literary award for several years and it was truly enlightening to see so amazing books not make it to the second/third round), email that one writer you love and ask them for advice (I've done this sporadically over the years and they were lovely exchanges, and I've found some local writers are so down to meet up and talk about writing).
All in all, your writing is valid and don't let this cycle of grad apps get you down.