TheLoudOne

Hi, I am the PhD student to whom Fennel refers in the title. I did not "drop" from the program. I had every intention of staying and fighting. I bolted toward the end of my second oral exam attempt when it became clear that I was failing again, and then I notified the faculty that I was leaving. Had I stayed, I would have been kicked out of the program anyway due to the process outlined in our handbook (failing twice=removed). This is all a long way of saying that I failed out of the program. Now, I think a case could be made that my advisor, the Distinguished Medievalist, took little interest in preparing me for the exam. Some people familiar with her MO have even suggested that she was intentionally setting me up for failure (and by "some people," I do not just mean students she has wronged). I am still not sure what I believe. It is possible that I was given a fair exam that I failed as objectively as it is possible to objectively fail at something subjective. I am neurodivergent (ADHD) and I have the working memory of a pet rock. On the other hand, I spent a year of my life diligently studying a vast field, and practice-related meetings with other people on my exam committee went well. While I was studying, almost every attempt to ask clarifying questions (how will I know which objects are most important? Is it important that I am able to distinguish between X and X? Does X count? etc. etc.) was met with vagueness. She also told me that I was ready before both attempts. I could say more generally about the way that Distinguished Medievalist handles her students' oral exams, but I won't tell stories that are not mine to tell. I will add that I think I may be the only one of her students to take and fail the exam, as she has always maintained that she would never let a student take the exam if they were not ready. Distinguished Medievalist has indeed lost (driven away, or, in my case, neglected) at least 5 Ph.D. students now, and I believe all 5 have been lost in the past 4 years. To date, she has graduated 2. She currently has...well..I think 6 PhD students? She also has MA students. She has a reputation for easily taking a dislike to students and then ignoring them. She talks about herself as though she were a very involved advisor, and I am not sure if she really believes this (she may have been at one point, when she had fewer students) or if she wants to ward off criticism, but I can say that she is not. I do not believe that even the students she likes receive a fair share of her time, guidance, and feedback. She does not appreciate direct questions (no matter how innocuous), and she seems almost incapable of providing direct answers. I asked her for very little in terms of time and guidance, and I received still less: I was lucky to meet with her once per semester. In my own paltry defense, I will say: I have an MA, I adjuncted for two years, and no other Professor (neither at CWRU nor USF) has ever implied in word or deed that my work did not show potential or that I am not a capable scholar. I have never before struggled to pass a test that I studied for. I am also an excellent public speaker--I offer this to demonstrate that I certainly did not just "clam up" during my exam. I was also careful to show respect at all times, and I did my best to "choose my battles." I did my best to "play the game" and work around her ego. In the end, I am not sure why Distinguished Professor gave up on me, but she certainly did. TL;DR: Distinguished Medievalist plays favorites, and, as far as I can tell, these favorites are not chosen based on merit (not that that would be OK, either), but based on how well they flatter her and play her game--or better yet, how well they seem to, according to her estimation. Even favorites get very little attention. Distinguished Professor is unpredictable and sometimes even unprofessional, and I would never advise anyone to trust her with their future. Few people can thrive in such open hostility. I was determined, but I failed anyway. Think carefully before applying, and take care ❤️