yrallih

So far, I've only gotten one rejection from a top five school (and I'm still anxiously waiting on the other two schools). I read the letter two or three times before it really sank in. Then I told my husband that I didn't get in and read it out loud to him. I was proud of myself for keeping it together. Then I angrily threw away my printed-out application to that school and started googling "getting rejected from grad school" (and other related topics) for about an hour. Then I started reasoning that getting rejected from one school meant getting rejected from all schools. Then I took a long, angry run with my dog. I never run that fast! It was kind of cool. Then I got home and drank a few beers and started feeling sorry for myself. Then my husband and I went to a bar, and I cried in public while he patiently and sweetly talked me down from my freak-outs. Then I came home and cried some more and numbly played a video game. I convinced myself that my character kept dying because I'm "too stupid for grad school". It was a pretty spectacularly bad evening full of feeling bad about and for myself. I felt better the next day, and even a bit better the day after, but I still can't help but to think that I'm not getting into my number one choice (a number 25 school), no matter how irrational it is to be convinced of this. I am now obsessively checking my email and the grad cafe for any information. I'm trying to stay positive and focus on my school work (which is proving difficult).... Bleh. I wish a rejection hadn't been the first reply to come! It was a real blow to my confidence. I would have taken it a lot better if I had KNOWN I was already in somewhere else.