[Taking a chance on one prof?]

Well, the dept plans to hire another prof in the area I'm interested in. But that prof will be an Assistant prof and non-tenured. I also don't even know who the person so I have no idea what his personality is like and whether his advising style clicks with mine or not

Also, I just heard from one former student of this prof that he almost never responds to emails. But if you ask him questions in person, he takes plenty of time and consideration to answer and help. That former student also never even went to a conference, but that was due to failed projects and bad timing. And yes, his students take about a year longer to graduate than whats considered the avg time to graduate for this field of study

Another red flag was that he mentioned that most of his students get 1-2 1st author publications, with anything higher being RARE. At another school I visited, which is similarly ranked to this school in this field of study, the students usually produce at least FOUR 1st-author pubs

Of this prof's last 30 pubs, he has been 1st author about 5 times. The others who are listed as 1st author on the pubs are: 2 were produced by grad students of his, 1 by professor who was a former student of his, 5 from postdocs who were former students of his, 5 by a postdoc who works for him, and 11 from elsewhere (professor who researched at the same school, prof who was never a student of his, etc)

[Taking a chance on one prof?]

Well, the dept plans to hire another prof in the area I'm interested in. But that prof will be an Assistant prof and non-tenured. I also don't even know who the person so I have no idea what his personality is like and whether his advising style clicks with mine or not

[Taking a chance on one prof?]

So I've received my grad school offers and narrowed it down to 2 choices. I would like to go the first one, but theres funding issues there and I may not find out all the details until very close to the Apr 15 deadline, according to a prof. For the 2nd, its not ideal since I don't really like the location and it has only one prof doing research in my main interest for now. But according to the grad students I spoke to there, the dept plans to hire 1-2 more profs in that area, but theres no guarantee that I will like that research. Anyways, I have other interests, but they are distantly behind my main one. So much so, that I'm strongly considering reapplying.

Anyways, how risky is it to attend a school where theres just one prof you really want to work for? Ever since becoming the director of a facility on campus, I heard that he's not available to students nearly as much. However, he seemed like a pretty nice guy after visiting the school. He will apply for govt grants for funding throughout the next 2 yrs. If he can't get funding that way, he still has the funding from being director of the facility. He only currently has 1 grad student, and he plans to graduate in 2 yrs. He is getting funded by that facility grant. If he hires me, and the prof can't get the govt grants, then I can get funding from the facility grant if that guy graduates. Does this professor sound reliable to work for? Or would it be a major gamble to go to that school?

[Severely depressed about my options]

Anyways, I was thinking of being upfront anddirectly telling my 2nd previous research advisor (the one who ignored myprevious email telling him where I got into, not the prof who already told mehe won't write me LOR if i reapply) that I'm very strongly consideringreapplying. Also, I was thinking of asking if he'll write me another LOR if Ireapply. He has sometimes ignored my emails in the past, but for something assignificant as telling him where I got accepted to, he usually responds tothose kinds of emails. So I took it as a very bad sign that he ignored that.Should I ask him by email or phone?

On a side not, come to think about it, I guess Ican't really blame my other advisor who wrote the LORs. He's written them forme about 3 times before. The first time, I turned down the offers I got forsummer research programs because I accepted an internship offer that was closerto home (my father was seriously ill). The 2nd, I again turned down an offerfor a research program to take care of my father who passed away shortlyafterwards. The 3rd, I applied to 1 grad program last year, but turned it down sinceit wasn't funded. So I can see why he'd be irritated that I turned down moreacceptances from his LORs. But OTOH, i don't know if I explained that I turneddown the offers the first 2 times BECAUSE of my father's serious illness. If Idid, I can see why he forgot, as he's busy with other things and I haven't seenhim in person in 3 yrs since hes at another university

I sent an email to the 2nd prof to ask if he'd write me a LOR if i reapplied. Hes not responding. I'm getting REALLY nervous about this. Should I just call him?

[Severely depressed about my options]

Anyways, I was thinking of being upfront anddirectly telling my 2nd previous research advisor (the one who ignored myprevious email telling him where I got into, not the prof who already told mehe won't write me LOR if i reapply) that I'm very strongly consideringreapplying. Also, I was thinking of asking if he'll write me another LOR if Ireapply. He has sometimes ignored my emails in the past, but for something assignificant as telling him where I got accepted to, he usually responds tothose kinds of emails. So I took it as a very bad sign that he ignored that.Should I ask him by email or phone?

On a side not, come to think about it, I guess Ican't really blame my other advisor who wrote the LORs. He's written them forme about 3 times before. The first time, I turned down the offers I got forsummer research programs because I accepted an internship offer that was closerto home (my father was seriously ill). The 2nd, I again turned down an offerfor a research program to take care of my father who passed away shortlyafterwards. The 3rd, I applied to 1 grad program last year, but turned it down sinceit wasn't funded. So I can see why he'd be irritated that I turned down moreacceptances from his LORs. But OTOH, i don't know if I explained that I turneddown the offers the first 2 times BECAUSE of my father's serious illness. If Idid, I can see why he forgot, as he's busy with other things and I haven't seenhim in person in 3 yrs since hes at another university

[Severely depressed about my options]

Yes, it will be difficult to do applications again. The application process is always difficult. But this may not even be something to worry about, if you end up finding some options for attending school #2. And if you DO reapply, then it will be something to deal with once the time comes. If you decide that a grad degree is what will make you happy, then the choice to undergo the application process a second time will be worth it. If the stress of reapplying seems like too much or makes you too upset or suicidal, then just don't! Like was said earlier, you need to approach every decision by asking yourself what will make you happiest.

I wish you good luck with getting funding at school #2! Don't look at it like a rejection—it's not, or they wouldn't be looking into things for you and expending extra effort to help you make it work.

Time spent researching programs and reading papers doesn't sound like wasted time to me at all. It's built you a foundation that will only help you if you do pursue graduate studies.

And yes, screw your advisor.

Thanks for your kind help again. Its not thestress of reapplying that bugs me. Its having to wait another year, whileliving at home with my mom and not making any money while researching (unless Imanage to find a tutoring job or something). If this happened last year(shortly after I graduated), it wouldn't be too devastating. But I'm startingto feel more and more like an old loser. But I guess that will make me happierthan going to school #1 or 3

[Severely depressed about my options]

What are all 3 of the schools you got into and for what program?

As I mentioned above, physics and astronomy

[Severely depressed about my options]

But give yourself a bit of a break: don't worry about the LORs now. If you decide you'll reapply, you can worry about that when the time comes.

If I can't get the LOR from my previous research advisor, then finding 3 new LORs won't be easy and I'd imagine at most 2 of them with be decent. If I can't get into any schools that are more competitive next year than the ones I've currently been accepted to, then reapplying is pointless as much as I don't like my current options

It sounds to me like the decision in front of you is (a) go to school #2, or ( reapply and get in somewhere compatible with your true, emerging interests. Talk to school #2 again. Send them an email, tell them you're their top choice and that while you know they said they didn't have funding for you, you are really bent on making it work and would welcome any creative solutions they might have up their sleeves or leads on outside sources of funding. Really reasonable email, and I am sure it would be received well, especially since they liked you and your application enough to accept you.

I've talked to a few of the profs that research in my main interest, and they appear to be trying to work something out with the dept to offer me some kind of funding. So there may be hope afterall. But I doubt it. Its basically like trying to admit someone after they've been rejected, not just wait-listed.

If you choose the reapply next year, remember: this year wasn't a wasted effort. It gave you clarity about your future research, and you'll have an even stronger package next time around.

Considering that I spent most of that time just looking at websites of schools, skimming through scientific papers, etc, I guess it was like spending an additional semester as an undergrad since I wasn't making any money from working during that time.

Most importantly, don't beat yourself up over ANY of this! You did well with your apps, considering that you did a rush job and weren't completely sure of direction. And if one of your research advisors really was annoyed over sending out 15 letters, then you shouldn't feel bad, because what he needs is a reality check and to take another look at his job description.

Too bad he can get away with that. Screw him

[Severely depressed about my options]

Because you have the option of working in industry, are the financial limitations of the 2nd school really that bad? If you have a reasonable chance of paying off your loans it might be worth it. Of course this is contingent on your goals - if you want to stay in academia and not work in industry ever again that might be a bad choice.

Why do you feel sick that you won't be going to grad school until after your peers? You are in a different place than they are. Grad school, for everyone, is really about competing with ourselves and living up to our own potential rather than competing with others. At the end of the day it is our own satisfaction that matters. If you feel that you *must* do this because going to grad school is an important part of your self-conception as a successful person (rather than a way to pursue your own research goals), then I'll say this: You are not a failure if you don't go to grad school this year, or next year, or ever. It is okay to work for a few years to get enough money so you can go wherever you choose. It is okay to work and never go to grad school, if that makes the most sense for your life.

I apologize if I presume too much about what's going through your head, but I worry when I read that you are literally feeling sick and depressed and in hell over this. Do you have a good friend you can talk to in person about your feelings? Things will be okay!

Thanks for the reply. In Phys and Astro, NO ONE has to pay for their school. Its expected that students will get funded some way - TA, RA, etc. The idea of someone having to pay their way in this field is outrageous. I already have spent a year working in industry and the past 5 months working part-time as a tutor and working on applications. I'm REALLY tired of waiting. Thats why even though school #2 isn't my ideal choice, it still would've been good enough for me to go there if they could fund me for my main interest.

If the 1st and 3rd schools make you that upset, then forget them. Tell them you aren't going to attend. Shred the letters. Move on. It's FINE! There is absolutely NO reason to hang on to those options if you are unhappy. Even more important, there is absolutely NO REASON to have suicidal thoughts about ANYTHING in this process. This is a stressful time, sure, but keep yourself in check. If you feel overwhelmed and extremely unhappy, take a break! There is nothing set in stone. You don't have to prove anything to anybody. All that matters is that you feel balanced and that you can handle this.

Why don't you give school #2 a call and explain your concerns? If you imagine that you will be happy there, then try to make it work. Maybe the school has some ideas about outside funding or something else you can do.

Don't worry about you research advisor. Asking for a letter for this person is pretty far down the road. Don't make the decision based on a "hunch" that this person MIGHT not write one for you. Ask! If they decline, find another research position and get another advisor. One person can't hold you back.

As far as getting into graduate school after your peers, so what? Big whoop. If you decide to take a year off, think of all the things you could experience and learn that will give you an advantage over those peers in the long run. IT'S GOOD. I did it, and it was the best decision I've ever made. Chances are, a lot of your incoming class will have done the same thing.

I've felt a lot of the things you are expressing. I felt that if I didn't go to school THIS YEAR then I was behind. As it turns out, that was such a wrong way of thinking. It becomes very clear very soon.

Take a deep breath. You've got this. If you decide to go to school #2 and it turns out you don't like it, it's FINE! If you decide to take a year off and decide you want to re-apply, it's FINE! Try to think about this in a positive light. This is not a "hellish" position at all. Take it one day at a time. One day at a time. Step #1: What do you WANT to do next year?

Thanks for the reply

1. I wish I could take a break. But I have to make a decision in less than 3 weeks. I've already talked to school #2 about the funding issues in my main research interest. But I haven't explained to them that I would be eager to join them if they could just provide me with some funding if i pursue my main research interest. Should I try and beg them to see if they have any other funding options other than TAing? I severely doubt it. Its really a shame that they can only provide me with a TA if I research in my secondary interest areas and CAN'T switch to my main interest

2. As for my previous research advisor, if he won't write me any more LORs, then I have to find 3 NEW LORs! I doubt that I can get more than TWO new LORs if I start research with new profs this spring and summer. So if I can't get another quality LOR from him again, I'd imagine that severely reduces the quality of schools i can get into if i reapply

3. I've already taken 1.5 years off, and if I reapply, then it'll be 2.5 years since I graduated. I'm just sick of this. I know I made the right decision to take the 1.5 years off. But I really feel ready to start and can't imagine the pain of having to wait another year to start. As much as I don't like the options at the 1st and 3rd schools, waiting ANOTHER year sounds just as bad. Living at home with my mom, unable to pay for myself (if I take this year off to research with a prof over the summer and fall, I doubt they can provide funding for me)

4. Deciding to go to a school and then not liking it is NOT fine. I'll have to endure 5 yrs of hell or deal with the turmoil of wanting to transfer or drop out

[Severely depressed about my options]

This is a decision that only you can make, obviously, but I will give the advice I've given on here a few times before.

Right now, make a decision on what you are going to do. Decide, for example, that you are going to go to school B. Then go about the rest of your day wearing that decision. Go to bed knowing it. Wake up knowing it. In some time (at least a day, but maybe a few), look at how you feel. Are you happy? No? Then make the decision to re-apply and wear it.

And always know that your friends on GradCafe are rooting for you.

Thanks for the reply. For the 1st and 3rd schools, its making me depressed, as I've even had some suicidal thoughts. For the 2nd, I actually felt happy after the visit, until I found out that its extremely unlikely that i can get funding for my main research interest. Waiting another year doesnt sound great either. I feel sick knowing that my peers are already in grad school whereas I may not enter school until at least 2 yrs after them. I never imagined being in such a hellish position. I dont even know for sure if my previous research advisor is willing to write me another LOR

[Severely depressed about my options]

So I only applied to a few grad programs in my field, Physics and Astronomy, because I made a very late decision to apply to grad school after taking a year off to work in industry. As a result, I wasn't really sure what I wanted to do or where to apply. I only applied to 2 top-10 schools and 4 more in the top-15 range. I didn't get into any of the top-10's but got in to 2 of the 11-15 schools. I also applied to about 8 more math and engineering schools and got into 1 Applied Math program.

Theres a few catches with the schools so thats why I honestly don't really see myself being happy going to any of the schools I got into.

For one of them, its only a few hours away from where I live and did my undergrad studies at. I lived in this same area my whole life and would like to go to a few environment. I didn't even like the school I did my undergrad at, due in part to troubles with adjusting to transferring there, until my last couple semesters. I guess the main reason I applied to this similar school was because its close to my family, which especially matters to me since I recently lost my father so my mother spends alot more time alone now. Also, the school was pretty strong in the research areas I was interested in. But my interests have changed now, and while this school is still fairly strong in my new interest, it only has 1 prof researching in that area, so its sort of risky in terms of whether I can get along with my advisor or not. Based on the visit, he seemed like a nice guy I could get along with. But hes recently been spending alot of time using the campus' supercomputers and not being available with his students

For the 2nd school, I just visited the school and liked the feel of the dept. However, I just recently found out that they're having major funding issues in the research area that is now my main interest. Thus, they can't even guarantee supporting me on a TA if I want to do research in that area.

For the 3rd one, I also haven't visited yet, but the location also seems nice. The program offers a wide range of research areas, which appealed to me, but is weak in my (now) main research interest.

I'm not enthusiastic about any of my options. I would've been happy going to option #2 until I just recently heard about those problems. I'm seriously considering reapplying

If I reapply, I plan to do research in my (now) main research area, and to work maybe 60 hrs/wk in it. I understand theres risks to reapplying. Come to think about

it, I will need to get at least 2 new LORs since one of my previous research advisors told me he won't write me LORs again. My other research advisor didn't even respond to my email when I notified him about where I got accepted to and how I hinted that I may want to reapply next year. So I'm guessing he might not even want to write another LOR if I reapply. I guess thats because I may have annoyed him by applying to over 15 schools total (I appleid to about 8 more math and engineering schools. I got rejected from all of them).