Ah yes. thanks for this thread. I'm the only of my siblings to have a college degree, and the first in my family to do grad study.
I find both my family responses (my mom sometimes just ignores conversation about grad school, or othertimes pretends to not hear what I'm saying when I say "Fully funded. They pay me for studying and teaching undergraduates" and keeps insisting that I keep my full-time (low-paid, stressful) job at the university and "take classes at night" the idea of entering academia as a kind of apprentiship, with the end result of going for tenured professorship is way beyond her. We have consistent fights about all the 'highfaluting' ways I've adopted like... eating vegatables not from a can and refusing to eat american cheese food product, thinking its important to take vacations or take a risk even if it means leaving a secure job. Class conflict class conflict class conflict.
I went to two different private undergrad schools to eventually culminate in my degree-- had to drop out halfway through because my dad went on disability and the 100 dollars a month he contributed broke me (and I didn't know how to ask for/access resources). The hardest thing about goign to private schools (aside from the, that's right, 50 thousand in loan debt from undergraduate school), and higher ed that's not the community college (as was expected of my people) was adjusting to the cultural differences of agency: My people consider it rude to put yourself in front of someone and ask for soemthing simply because you want it, but that's precisely what an Informational Interview is. It took me MONTHS to get up the nerve to do one. I also worked 3 jobs while in school full time and taking out loans (i went to school in NYC, an expensive undertaking) and would LOSE MY MIND when fellow students would snore in class or not do the readings. They were bringing down the education I paid dearly for. It's a difference of valuing.
As I move onto graduate school, i'm finding relief in attending a public institution-- i'm with people who are from backgrounds more similar, and the pressures are less. My reserach topic is class assimilation and class passing inspired by these very struggles-- what do we leave behind, what does it mean to gain 'agency', what do we lose, what do we gain, do we help our people in the long run when your family thinks you've got too "high and mighty" but your financially secure, getting healthcare, or eating food consistently for the first time. What does assimilating do to our souls.