shirleybongbong

I think you need to make your writing simpler. Begin by reviewing your thesis again sentence by sentence. The technique is not to repeat the idea in another sentence, meaning you might not be aware that you were explaining again using the same thoughts. If you have explained that, get another thought again to expound on a certain topic. Thesis statement must be strong. It should trigger interest to the reader to read more on your thesis. Introduction, brief and concise, straightforward. Structure could be the outline that you need to change to provide a better flow of the idea. Before you clarify on things, make a little improvement on the structure so it would be a one go discussion. I am not sure if this helps you. Just thinking.