Hey Kbui,
I'm working on my ETA application to South Korea and I'm concerned that I might be falling into your first mistake of not thoroughly considering how my essays will be received by its South Korean audience. What do you mean when you say your essay wasn't "projecting" as well as you wanted? I guess I'm not sure what the screening committee abroad would be looking for/responsive to that would be different from the domestic U.S. evaluators. Wouldn't they both share the same criteria for a good potential candidate?